Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Extremely difficult situation.....PLEASE HELP

Oldsoul · 04-06-2007, 02:51 AM

Hello All!

I've been a reader on these forums for a few months now, and have seen lots of great posts and really insightful replies. Ok, now that I've buttered everyone up. LOL. I have a in-depth question for all of you expert minds out there.

First My Background info....

Married for 8 years, two kids (one who's 7 and another who's 2). It has been a tough marriage, but we always seem to keep going. I'm 30 years old. Ok, so I think that covers the background.

Now the problem.

For about the last 5 years sex has been few and far between. Currently, it has been about a year since my wife and I have had sex. We do fight about it quite a bit. Again, our marriage is not perfect, but sex is really the main problem. If I could just forget about sex, we'd probably get along pretty well, but I cannot. Sex is more than just physical for me, it is emotional as well. If sex were just physical for me, then it wouldn't be a problem because I could take care of that myself. But to me sex is a form of affection, and I need that affection. When I talk to my wife about it, she just says I need to get over it, and that it is my problem.

It is really putting some serious stress on the relationship to the point where we've actually spoken the word divorce, but we have two kids and a considerable amount of debt right now due to some financial hardships. So, really divorce is out of the question. Neither kid could really deal with it at this point.

I ask her that since she is not going to have sex with me, what are my options, and the only options she really has is for me to masturbate, but again, that is not really what I am looking for. I am not the kind of person to cheat on her, and so I feel like I'm stuck.

If we are going to stay together for the kids sake, then do we maybe just need to set some new "rules", but again, the thing that bothers me here is that I'm not really the cheating type, and I would hate to think that I slept with someone else, if in a year, my wife and I are getting along better. I wouldn't feel right about that.

I ask her is she loves me, and she says yes. But she does say that right now she doesn't like me. But, again we do fight alot so, it is hard to like someone that you are constantly fighting with.

At any rate, I feel really trapped by the whole situation. I've suggested marriage counseling, but she says that I'm the one with the problem and not her. She refuses to talk to anyone. I'm really getting to the point where I'm getting depressed about it to where, I don't want to eat, and really can't motivate myself to do anything. Which is a bummer because a little affection from her would be all I need to get out of this depression.

So, for all you longtime married people out there, or young inspirational minds out there, please offer any suggestions you may have.

Thanks in Advance!

OldSoul

04-06-2007, 02:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
Oldsoul Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 3	Extremely difficult situation.....PLEASE HELP Hello All! I've been a reader on these forums for a few months now, and have seen lots of great posts and really insightful replies. Ok, now that I've buttered everyone up. LOL. I have a in-depth question for all of you expert minds out there. First My Background info.... Married for 8 years, two kids (one who's 7 and another who's 2). It has been a tough marriage, but we always seem to keep going. I'm 30 years old. Ok, so I think that covers the background. Now the problem. For about the last 5 years sex has been few and far between. Currently, it has been about a year since my wife and I have had sex. We do fight about it quite a bit. Again, our marriage is not perfect, but sex is really the main problem. If I could just forget about sex, we'd probably get along pretty well, but I cannot. Sex is more than just physical for me, it is emotional as well. If sex were just physical for me, then it wouldn't be a problem because I could take care of that myself. But to me sex is a form of affection, and I need that affection. When I talk to my wife about it, she just says I need to get over it, and that it is my problem. It is really putting some serious stress on the relationship to the point where we've actually spoken the word divorce, but we have two kids and a considerable amount of debt right now due to some financial hardships. So, really divorce is out of the question. Neither kid could really deal with it at this point. I ask her that since she is not going to have sex with me, what are my options, and the only options she really has is for me to masturbate, but again, that is not really what I am looking for. I am not the kind of person to cheat on her, and so I feel like I'm stuck. If we are going to stay together for the kids sake, then do we maybe just need to set some new "rules", but again, the thing that bothers me here is that I'm not really the cheating type, and I would hate to think that I slept with someone else, if in a year, my wife and I are getting along better. I wouldn't feel right about that. I ask her is she loves me, and she says yes. But she does say that right now she doesn't like me. But, again we do fight alot so, it is hard to like someone that you are constantly fighting with. At any rate, I feel really trapped by the whole situation. I've suggested marriage counseling, but she says that I'm the one with the problem and not her. She refuses to talk to anyone. I'm really getting to the point where I'm getting depressed about it to where, I don't want to eat, and really can't motivate myself to do anything. Which is a bummer because a little affection from her would be all I need to get out of this depression. So, for all you longtime married people out there, or young inspirational minds out there, please offer any suggestions you may have. Thanks in Advance! OldSoul