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Originally Posted by CoachChar  I recently reconnected by email with a couple that my husband and I used to be close friends with back when we were all newlyweds and in the military. I enjoy receiving the occasional update from the wife and I love seeing pictures of their beautiful children.
My issue is that she often sends or forwards prayers, sermons, stories, and chain letters that are religious in nature and authored by someone other than her. Some weeks she sends 3 or more of these religious messages. I strongly prefer to not receive them. In the past, when I've been bombarded with spam (religous or otherwise), I've politely explained to the sender that I really would prefer to only receive messages from them if they are having to do with them and their family (i.e., please, no more stories about kids who need organ transplants, bogus offers from "Microsoft" and Disneyland, or prayers that must be sent to 10 people to prove my love for God or Jesus...). The two times I did this I was totally cut off because the person felt rejected, attacked, embarassed or offended. I realize that such a response is about them, not me. At the same time I would like ideas about how others have handled similar situations.
My husband's suggestion is to "spare her feelings" and the drama that would be caused by asking her to stop and simply have all her messages sent to the spam folder. Then I could occasionally search the spam folder for messages that I do want to read. Great, that's one possible way of handling it. As I mentioned, another option is to ask her to stop sending the religious mail my way. I find it hard to believe that my only two options are 1) put up with all their spam to maintain a relationship or 2) risk totally ending the relationship.
Any ideas about a more moderate solution?
I think the bigger issue for me is about how to interact with people who assume that I share their beliefs when I don't. I would never share my spiritual perspective with anyone unless they asked me to, nor would I assume that I know what they believe. I wonder what my discomfort in these situations signifies about me. What's my lesson here? 
As I reread this message I am beginning to feel like my issue with what these other people are doing is a reflection of how I can sometimes come off as "righteous" or superior. Hmmmmm.... If that's what this is really about, I suspect my work is to "be the change I want to see in the world". Wise friends, what do you have to say that will help me?
Thanks,
Char |
Obviously you're looking for something a little more subtle than a tersely worded email that says "There *IS* no God"
The "no forwarded messages" suggestion is a good one. Alternately, you can take matters into your own hands--in most email clients its easy to set up filters either by subject, sender, recipient number, etc. With a little work you can filter chain letters from a particular "offender" while still getting personal email. Or you can just do what I do and click it and ignore it...
The dealing with others who (mistakenly) assume you share their beliefs is a different issue. In most cases, I just ignore it. There's this guy I know on a very casual level who'll occasionally cc me on some piece of far right wing claptrap. My guess is that he's sending it to everyone on his contact list and not just thinking that I'd be receptive to it. Since I see this guy less than once a year I don't really worry about it one way or another.
From what you said these people fall more into that category and my guess is that you're getting the same stuff as everyone else who's ever emailed them. That means that they're not taking into account your personal beliefs--of course since you haven't been close with them in a number of years how could they?
For someone you deal with on a casual basis, I wouldn't worry about it. Read and respond to the emails you want, trash the rest (or let your email filters do it for you).
If you don't want to relegate her to the spam folder, it's also easy to set up a folder just for her and filter all mail from her address there. You can scan it every week or so for "personal" email to you and just trash the rest...
Were this someone you dealt with more regularly there might be some value in letting her know that you're not on the same spiritual page as she is. In this case, I really don't think its worth the hassle...