Love you first.
I tend to find that when i meditate and focus on being in a loving place with myself it flows outwards and makes thing easier.
Try to stop judging yourself. Easier said than done right!!
I am very good at judging myself and its futile.
Work through all the shoulds, need to, must haves and residual emotions about your life now and your ex. Just take some time, meditate and process it. Then you can let it go.
I want to lose a significant amount of fat and everytime I focus on it I tend to put on wieght because I get so anxious and over focused I ruin it. I keep getting anxious and thinking I hate to lose weight, i have to!! Its coming from a place of fear not love. I get a similiar vibe from you, (could be wrong though). that you really want this relationship but your anxious you might not get it and how your going to go about it.
The solution I have found is to let go a little bit. Affirm in your own mind that this is the sort of relationship you want and will definatley have. You don't have to have it tommorow, but you will have it. Take the pressure off. Then decide what you need to do, in a loving way to yourself, don't do it for your future partner, do it for you. Do you like getting dressed up and shaving your legs? Do it because you like it.
Wear things that make you feel happy and sexy. Do things that you like and enjoy that involve men and meeting them. I feel like this is what will bring you sucess, but im biased lol im going on my own experiences..