"When I'm out with hubby, someone bumps me with their shopping cart, I'm the one apologizing for being in the way. If someone is whispering, I assume they're whispering about me. If someone is angry, I think it's something to do with me. I take everything to heart - compliments are seen as disguised digs or taunts, sighs are assumed to be because the person is bored of my company... the list is endless."
~Well said! I think you speak a strong voice for all nervous people pleasers struggling to express.
Definately agree that getting the hail out of that hostile environment would be SO healthy for you. Maybe it's an excellent opportunity for you and your hub to experience the resourceful life and find a real small, cheap place somewhere...
As far as the nervous and sad people pleasing struggle goes, I agree with butterfly on the deep slow breathing, it works wonders. and reading self help books has been the best for me to peace of mind, helping to step back and recognize the big picture. Like someone said earlier:
"People talk derisively about someone because they feel insecure, and some of those people feel smaller inside than you do. I've known quite a few people that really do talk trash about people all the time. Underneath that cocky, obnoxious exterior they're quite pathetic..."
Understanding insights like that are genious! Especially the fact that they are "sodding wankers"...that's just icing on the cake.
But in all reality, unless you're able to take this whole living situation positively and optimistically as a life test or trial helping you to grow stronger...I would get out asap cause it sounds like rising water...
People pleasing is quite strange, I agree it's learned as a kid. With my family we grew up communicating in those overly emphasized nice and superficial tones of speech one might use with pets, babies or superficial neighbors…I think it's quite debilitating to healthy relationships dancing in a constant masquerade for fear of displeasing…
I'm getting ready to read a book i just got called : "The Disease to Please" and it looks like it's got some great stuff in it, helping to understand where the tendencies originate (this helps me) and how to avoid fueling the fire…
p.s. would your mom have occasional angry outbursts from all that pent up anger?? chocolates for the neighbor!?
