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Originally Posted by Dating Specialist  You're right Anima, security comes from within. Loving oneself is definitely the way to go.
To fit into a "role" to make others happy doesn't give us security. In fact it makes it worse, because it makes us feel that the true us is inadequate, and we have to be someone else to fill in those shoes.
So, we shouldn't ignore those feelings of insecurity. Rather, we should work on them. There are several ways. Maybe to quote one, we can look at when we have such feelings of insecurity? What are the catalysts? If it's due to the way we look, how can we improve it? If it's due to our work performances that indirectly leads to low confidence and hence insecurity in other areas of our lives, what can we do to change it?
Hope this clarifies Anima. And btw, I'm not a fan of porn either  |
I agree that these questions along with any others we find relevent can help us get to the bottom of what the situation is about for us.
One prevelent problem in our society is that we've generally been taught to stifle our emotions. We've been taught to overlook them and to rationalize everything. What happens is that we repress our emotions. The go unconscious. That means we act them out all around us in our everyday activities, and yet we overlook this. Even though we repress and deny them, others can see our emotions seeping into everything.
How do we resolve this problem? We begin to accept and feel our feelings. When we give ourselves permission to feel our feelings, they move through us and we release them. We receive the message from them via the experience of emotional energy. Do they feel good? Do they feel bad? By giving our feelings a name we process them as verbal/logical memory in our brains. ie: "When my boyfriend looks at porn, I feel sad". By processing and
feeling our feelings and by putting them into words, we increase our intuitive wisdom which empowers us to find solutions to the problem at hand. By doing this two things happen:
1) We let go of denying our emotions (denial), ignoring them (ignorance) outside of our awareness where they cause us problems. We ACTivate and fine-tune our emotional intelligence
2)We are able to now connect our emotional intelligence with our logical and intuitive intelligences. This synthesis dramatically increases our perception of "reality", fueling us productively in all avenues of our lives.
The fact of the matter is when we have unprocessed emotion regarding an issue, it prevents us from optimally using logic and intuition in solving our problem, so based on the patterns most of us have been taught, we perpetuate dysfunctioning cycles. So, again, I love the idea of going over the logical content of our "issues", especially when we integrate it with our other intelligences as well! It's very potent!