Hello Farryn! I'm glad to see that you've made progress throughout this thread, particularly in your own life. It's especially heartening to hear that you have aligned more with your inner vision and your inner intuitive and emotional messages of what is right for you. Great stuff! And you've taken ownership of your lack of communication with your boyfriend, so that you can make improvements with that type of thing in the future. It seems you have grown a lot in regards to this situation. Good for you!
I want you to know that you have my full support on your personal path a process. I am with sallyfrieldam on basically every point (sallyfrieldam, you are awesome!). Of course you must follow your own inner path to happiness, no matter what is 'normal' and acceptable in our society. The keys to your happiness are within
you at all times.
A few things to keep in mind:
1)We live in a society where it is "normal" to have disorders, imbalances, and addictions, including to sex and pornography. It is the general human condition in our western world at this time. However, if you are of the small minority of 'smart' people who are looking to outlet your potential, you are on the path of detaching from the 'norms'. Remember, those who are self-actualizing and who become self-actualized are exactly those who detach from the norms and from the negative cycles that remain in place for the majority. We work on ourselves in order to transcend our issues and to unfold. It might not be easy to follow the inner voice, and you might not find the majority of people share similar beliefs to you many times, but in terms of pursuing your potential and considering 98% of people don't, it's a good thing when you are on the individual minority path!
You're on the right track!
2)While in our society, it is normal--although unhealthy--to have addictions, disorders and imbalances, when these conditions are at play in our individual selves, it shows where we are not self-actualized. We have progress to make in terms of overcoming our issues and actualizing our potential. Therefore a possible active sex addiction (if he regularly partook of his online porn behaviour at a degree where it was causing issues in his life) can be indication that your boyfriend has issues to yet overcome. Of course this is a relative thing, since the vast sweeping majority has some form of imbalance or another to overcome. From caffeine addictions, to workaholism and porn addiction. Most of us are working on one issue or another. Therefore it comes down to what you are willing to accept. Are you willing to accept someone who for example by your own standard drinks too much? Or who plays video games obsessively? Are you willing to accept someone who uses drugs to numb themselves? Which of your standards do you feel strongly about, and which ones are you willing to make compromises on? By answering these questions for yourself, you empower yourself from within. If you are empowered from within, as you answer such questions and find, say, that a certain boyfriend, or potential boyfriend is not for you, you utilize the principle of natural selection. By releasing what does not work for you, you quicken the process of finding who and what IS right for you. It's a wonderful system, based on honouring your own Self.
3) The problems of objectification, epitomized in pornography are rampant in our society within the human condition in the western world. Since a mere 2 percent of us are self actualizing/ized, the majority must keep their imbalanced nature in place with the imbalances of one kind or another. What this does is it keeps the majority out of touch with their real power, or potential. It keeps them operating within the veils of illusion, living the unexamined life. The by-product of this is
desensitization. Human beings look at each other and don't see one another. We miss out on the beautiful depths of the human spirit within each person we come across. This is all the more noticeable in relationships, where we overlook who our partner IS, all the while numbing ourselves with the porn fixation, the drinking habit, or any other behaviour that we've taken up to keep ourselves separate from our Selves. You sound like you are taking the initiative in your life, towards self empowerment. You have every right to ask that the primary relationships in your life include others who are willing to listen to, look at, and hear the voice of yourSelf. You are entitled to have your deepest emotions heard and accepted, even if it's not easy wading through the truth of the situation at hand, including when those deepest inner signals can sometimes seem "bad". Good, bad or indifferent, those signals are the Truth, and the truth is of the utmost importance for you on your path. When you are ready to attract a partner and sustain a relationship with someone who respects WHO you are, including your truth, and who is willing to work with you, negotiating on the negotiable issues, and who can accept the non-negotiable ones you hold, then that person will enter your life.
You don't need to accept someone who is desensitized or who expects you to sacrifice your feelings and your voice for them. You deserve someone who is willing to accept the value of your feelings, and who accepts the value of their own, and who is willing to compromise between two valid perspectives. By waiting for the person who is sensitized you align with that resonance, and you take a major step in attracting that person to you, like a magnet!
Again, keep up the great progress, Farryn! I support you in knowing the key to your happiness is in hearing, valuing and communicating your own needs at all times! I've enjoyed hearing all the great and thoughtful contributions in this thread, everyone!