Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy Mills  My hole life I've tried to be posative. But eventually you can't take it any more. It hurts. You feel nothing. Other than your bottled up emotions that get filled day after day. Nobody loves you. You have nobody to lean on, nobody to love, nobody to hang out with. Nobody likes you. You cant make friends. You think you are normal but for some reason you cant be yourself at times. I dont know why. Some people take your kindness for weakness. Theres a hole in my heart. Ive been told I dont feel as though I am loved, but jesus always loves you. I have a hole in my heart. THey say Jesus is supposed to fill that hole. They say I will try to fill that hole with lovers, video games, or pornography. But Jesus cant help me. My father has foresaken me. When life shits on you enough times then you give up on looking for Jesus. God doesnt even love me? The hole in my heart is to big for Even jesus to fill anyways. What about the missing peices of my heart from my family not loving me, or not having any good friends, nobody to talk to. I don't trust to many people anyways. I am lonely. How am I supposed to survive without feeling loved. I dont feel loved? Why??? Is ther something wrong with me??? Sometimes I hate life. Im sick of everything. Sometimes i want to get up and leave my scheduled life. Go somewhere far. But then I realize Im not going to find anything. I have no place. The worlds exhistence would not change if I died. I think of suicide. I would never commit suicide. But I think what's the purpose. NOBODY LOVES YOU??? Ive loved others. Ive been loved. Ive been knocked down. I get back up. And I keep doing so. But sometimes I wonder whether or not to get back up. nobody loves me. I hate life! Is this just a phase? But nothing is going to change so I am miserable |
Hon, I've so been there. Slapping a smile over a broken heart is like putting a band-aid on a broken bone - it does no good. I spent my entire life depressed, attempted suicide countless times and did self-abuse. You cannot expect others to love you until you love yourself. Forget everyone else right now. Start by focusing on yourself, your needs, what you love to do. Fall in love with yourself and the world will follow.
It took me a long time to realize this, when I would cry and wonder why I was on this earth simply to be a scapegoat. Then one morning I yelled that I was not taking this bull anymore, I was going to be happy come hell or high water. I started doing thingss for me, and realizing that all my "flaws" were what made me so perfect.