[C33]

I am still not done with grieving the loss of my father, last year and need a lot of peace and quiet.

When I was in my hometown, I locked myself in my home, seeking solace in solitude, and 2 of my best friends kindly came over to check on me, which came from the right place. Nevertheless, it always came at the price of having to listen to their problems. I didn t have the energy to even talk about my feelings, so they filled in the blanks of the conversation with a lot of mundanities, things of no interest, and petty problems I didn t care about. ( 1 of them said she felt uneasy with me not saying anything, so she had to talk )


Before Christmas, I had to tell them that I needed time away from them, I told them I wanted a different relationship with them,where, instead of endlessly talking about the same problems, we would seek to improve ourselves and encourage ourselves through growth.

1 of them felt insulted and stopped talking to me, which I understood, and the other said she understood me, and would make the effort to be more of a listener. Now she recently emailed me and said she had so much to TELL me...upon my return. The other girl, apparently, had a change of heart,went to my home and asked about me. ( I am abroad for a few months)

I know it should be flattering to have such dedicated friends, but I feel angry at them. I feel stalked and not heared. These are good people nevertheless, I think it might get to the point where I will be so frustrated that I ll tell them to F**k off and leave me alone.

My perception is that they always pretend to be concerned about my well being, but always end up acting against it by acting like being concerned about their problems.

Not all my friends are like that, so this is not just me thinking negatively about my friendships,very strangely, these women who say that I am their best friend, seem to want to completely ignore my boundaries and ignore the fact that I have changed and will not go back to the old me.

I feel anxious at the idea to go back home and to have them dropping by, or calling me to see me.

Am I exagerating or is this a protection mechanism I should trust?