I happened upon this old thread while looking up the unrelated topic of "law of attraction." Sorry to resurrect a somewhat resolved thread, rei, but I must say I find this topic much more interesting than the overwhelmingly popular hetersexual/heteronormative threads.
It sounds like you've more or less figured this out, and I know you have been dating a man since then.
I also don't get this focus on "feminine energy" and "masculine energy." I don't understand why almost everyone here is so ready to do away with the idea that we are strictly masculine or strictly feminine, but not with the ideas of masculinity and femininity themselves, which are entirely socially constructed. The very concepts are heteronormative in my view. For why would we need to have to binary/opposite/complementary genders without heterosexuality? We wouldn't. Heterosexuality wasn't even a concept until the concept of homosexuality came about, but what we now call heterosexuality was a worldview that wanted to replicate this dualistic process by imagining itself as binary/opposite to the homosexual Other.
Heterosexuality is a social construct. Homosexuality is a social construct.
That is why I do not identify with gender, BUT sometimes out of convenience I will put myself in a category where I must. The word I like is queer. "Queer" is a term that has been reclaimed by academia and increasingly used with queer communities. "Queer theory" is an academic term referring to critical theory as relates to queer struggles. I rarely say "LGBTQ" anymore as I prefer "queer." LGBTQ is assimilationist, in my opinion, since it continues to divide people up into dualisms. "Queer" is a very general term that ultimately can refer to whatever is non-normative. Normativity is a societal force which tries to herd everyone in a particular direction just for the sake of maintaining itself. So we can think of "queer" as anarchic and democratic rather than dualistic and hierarchical.
Does that make sense? I know I tend to speak with academic vocabulary.
When I first got to college and people told me they identified as queer or genderqueer, I didn't get it. The word bothered me slightly. So I understand if people don't get it at first. It has been reclaimed and isn't going anywhere, trust me. But outside of academic and the truly queer communities, it is not so popular. I read this word all the time in my Women's & Gender Studies classes.
I also wanted to say something about the "questioning" aspect. For a lot of people, realizing they fit a label is epiphanic. For me, it was. I know I've been attracted to girls/women since I was 4 years old, but I didn't come to terms with it and take on a label until I was 17. Until then, all I knew was that I noticed attractive women more than attractive men, that I felt different, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a female friend regardless of my sexual orientation. So it was quite liberating at the time.
I can't see you as being bisexual in the most widely accepted sense of the term on the basis of sex alone. I fall in love with "women." Sex has nothing to do with it. I've never had sex. I don't even care for the notion. Physically, I like the idea of male-female sex better than female-female. I don't like the idea much to begin with. Who came up with the idea that two females need to have "sex" to be in love? Did someone sell that in a commercial?
For some people, sexual attraction amounts to mostly physical. Fair enough, but I find that boring myself. A friend called me homoromantic. Whatever. I'll stick with queer. I'm also attracted to some men, but it's never the same as with women. The intensity isn't quite the same. It might feel similar - love is based on hormones just like sexual attraction is - but it's never quite the same. I could imagine falling in love with a queer male, but it would have to be really a perfect match... but then again, I've only fallen in love three times with a female, so those were really perfect matches anyway. I'm definitely more attracted to queer people than normative ones - male, female, or otherwise. I just don't see myself ending up with a male because I tend to be attracted to gay-identified men superficially since the rest of men are so normative.
I tell ya, though... I find Adam Lambert attractive. He seems like exactly the kind of female I would be attracted to - I mean, the kind of
person. Very sensitive, mature, creative.
I like to think that if a person matches well enough, sex/gender will become irrelevant.