[Cado]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I am really inspired by the label Conservative Christian, but I'm also inspired by the label Exotic Dancer. I may just have to accept that I can't use labels and that I'm a mixed bag.

Funny that you're drawn to that label-Conservative Christianity is filled with darkworkers. They'd never call themselves that (and their lack of honesty is responsible for a great number of problems, IMO) but it's clear to someone with a keen eye that many of them channel that kind of energy. (With their emphasis on culture wars they almost have to.)

That kind of Christianity has nothing to do with feeding the poor, clothing the naked, etc. The Christ figure itself is largely irrelevant. To be blunt, Christianity is a whore. It's become one of the largest and most influential religions in history because it adapts to culture norms while maintaining its rhetoric. (See: Christmas and Easter.) Their mythos has been rewritten over and over again and, despite what they'll tell you about "eternal truths", the story is still changing. Do not buy the hype-hypocrisy is inherent to it so you can be anything else you want to be and still fit within their ranks, just don't go flaunting it.

Lightworking Christianity bears little resemblance to its conservative cousin. If you take it as a religion which emphasizes compassion and forgiveness then it wouldn't limit you, either. There's nothing immoral about exotic dancing. That's a man-made rule. Some branches would encourage you to forsake all earthly pleasures but you'd have to choose that; it's not inherent to the path.

With that said-

But I've decided to believe in God because I need a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity.

You're giving your power away to this belief. If you're at all serious about darkworking then you and you alone are sufficient to pull yourself out of this situation. If you walk another road, you still have to do some work. You still have to be capable.

And you are. You're glorious beyond measure. Tap into that.

Let me boil down one of my earlier posts to its bare essence:

do something.

You're running around in circles. Stop. Breathe in. Take a look at what's been suggested. Pick one thing. Do you meditate? Start. Have you ever done the Foci? If you haven't, that will begin to unravel whatever has you stuck. Don't think you're up to doing a mock funeral? Then do the first part of what Asmoday talks about. Get around the dead and the dying. It'll give you some perspective.

Pick one of those things. If it requires a daily commitment, focus solely on that until it's part of you. (IE, when you don't have to remind yourself to meditate, or to do the Foci, etc.) The thing is, you're mortal, you don't have a lot of time, yet paradoxically you'll waste what time you do have if you don't slow down. You're trying to arrange the inside of your house when you haven't even built one yet. Let's get you centered and then you can start working on a floor plan.

Labels are not you, they will not limit you nor will they determine the ways you'll express yourself. You are and then you're labeled, not the other way around. Labels differentiate and define, they're not ideals which you mold yourself into. When labels become your identity that's when you kick them to the curb. You've always been obsessed with them and it hasn't worked so try something different. If you do and you keep at it eventually you'll succeed.

See, it isn't lucky, super-talented and super-smart people who succeed, it's the people who stay with it and keep changing their methods until something works. Anyone can do that. Superstars don't begin where they are, we just don't see the practice they put in.

That reminds me, there's a book that might help you see what I'm talking about. Seeing as Asmoday has been gracious enough to supply so many resources through his site, I'll post his link: The Tipping Point

You're not going to end your struggles overnight. You know that. Accept it. Your problems will fall away a lot quicker when you do.