Your onto something James.
The Eating disordered part of me is feeling rather threatend by this whole development. Resisting the EDis getting so much harder and I admit I not complying 100% with my program. I have started stealing extra food again and struggling to admit to myself what these beliefs are. I can feel them surfacing but I'm not ready to share them just yet, not even with myself. I find myself thinking, "Being fat isn't so bad.", "Wellness is overated.", "Ignore all these people and drop this thread, its too dangerous".
Self sabotage and fear at its best. I will beat this and I will admit those beliefs.
Some of the beliefs are:
- I'm a liar
- If I lose weight I will be overwhelmed with attention and people wanting to be my friend and they will hurt me.
- I have to limit how many friends I have.
- Telling the truth is dangerous and will get me into trouble
- I fear not being good enough and that means I am unwanted.
- I'm not lovable and that means I am bad.
- People are mean to me.
- I'm too pretty for my own good.
- I have to stay so sick so people will love me.
- People only like me because I'm pretty
- I'm a bad, evil person for getting sick
- I deserve to be sick. Its my fault.
- People who say they like me are lying