demk had already given you some insights and thoughts.
I hope to provide you with this inspiration quote: "There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." - Denis Waitley
I believe you can change for the better if you wanted to. Always believe in yourself. Your mind can't differentiate between real or unreal. If you feel you are hopeless, then you will be hopeless. If you can't believe in yourself 1st, nobody will.
I wish you all the best!
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