Thank you very much RT Wolf and MindReality for helping me out.
RT Wolf, maybe you're right about me having beliefs about bragging that are an issue, although I'm not quite sure how that relates to me not feeling good about my accomplishment/s. I have no problem bragging to myself, even though I have problems doing that with other people (except for my significant other) and I'm slightly embarrassed when I realize I AM showing off.
Would you mind elaborating on
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beliefs about modesty or humility or humbleness that you need to reexamine?
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? What is a healthy belief about modesty?
Anyhow, I feel happier now than I did when I first got the news, and I know I will feel grateful for the years to come... but I still feel like I *should* feel better about my accomplishment, because I've never had a pattern of working hard-->achievement. I've always gotten by without working hard and this is one of the first times I've accomplished something pretty much on my own. So I think I would benefit from realizing that (hard) work pays off.
I think I will do what you suggested, and reward myself with something fun (including taking someone out to dinner soon!). I also LOVE the idea of reflecting on my growth and having a list of WINS. Thank you!
You're probably also right on when you both say I might want to work on my self-esteem. I have wanted to read Branden's book for a while. Do you recommend it? I do not understand the feeling of "deserving" anything.
MindReality, I think I understand where you're coming from, but don't you believe hard work is necessary? I would (and do) feel guilty if I weren't working hard and I have not appreciated success when I didn't work for it. I have had amazing things happen to me that are not things that you can really work towards, and indeed I am grateful that God has granted them to me. But I do feel I would be a better person if I worked harder!
Thanks again for your help.