[themaster]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I know it sounds silly for an unemployed person to not have enough time, but I can't explain it, how I have literally about 20 or 30 things that I have to do or want to do in, things are laying around cluttering up my apartment, until I can get to them, I don't understand it either. I do sit on the internet most of the day but I'm behind even on things I need to do on HERE! I guess it's just that if there is open time, it will be filled. Since I lack meaning and direction in my life, it gets filled with whatever I feel like doing at that moment. And my social calendar is always full too, I usually have plans 5 days out of 7. I know there is honestly no excuse for me not doing these exercises, wait a minute, I HAVE done a few of them a few times, why am I not getting any credit for that!? I have done them as much as I've done my own ideas, so I'm not even favoring my own over yours, I just can't stick to anything that doesn't prove itself rewarding. I gave up on my music website, I started it and couldn't finish it. I gave up on the recording studio "job". I gave up on learning how to play piano and guitar. I could write a book about all the things I started and quit.

Perhaps that's the theme of your life.. start something and give up..?

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Yes, that is perspective. I understand that. And someone else in my situation might see it as a blessing or a miracle rather than a problem, I understand that completely. I just can't relate this story to what we were talking about how my past experience showed me LoA didn't work for me. In this example you are talking about 2 different people, but in my situation, I'm the same person. So unless some drastically radical shift happened in the last few months, I can't see how I would perceive the whole experience in a different way. (Unless, of course, it works this time! )

It doesn't have to be 2 different people.. it can be the same people..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

*thinks* What have I manifested, I guess you could count the fact that I lost my job, because I hated that job and secretly wished I didn't have to work there anymore. I don't know why it took 18 years for it to happen though. Ugh that makes me worried it'll take me 18 years to find one I like!

Trust that you know what you're doing! Even when you don't know what you're doing!

I don't really know why I'm sitting right now in a hotel at st. louis.. not really.. but at the same time.. I do trust the greater part of me that there's a plan.. and that plan is being enacted..

That's the type of thing you need to be actualizing right in the now?

Do you believe that there's a bigger part of yourself, rockchick?

One that loves you unconditionally.. as is rooting you on..? Do you believe that.. or is that fantasy to you?

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Yes, I do have many many glimpses of optimism, every single time i discover a new hobby or interest I want to persue. Then I just add it to my ever growing list of things that overwhelm me because I don't know how I can ever do them all. That is probably why I sit on the computer as much as I do because it allows me to explore anything I want without having to risk a thing.

This is all EGO rockchick.. nothing more..

It's your EGO in part that invalidates them.. you seem to be just running yourself in a loop, a program of disbelief.. that anything can work for you.. you need to see that it can work.. that you can improve.. and there's "no harm" in trying anything over and over again.. even if it has 0 discernable effect..

Only your EGO would ever think "try to do them all" "growing list of things that overwhelm"

You know it probably is your EGO that is your #1 problem, rockchick.. and you have to get that EGO on board with what you want to do.. until you do.. your EGO runs you and the show.. and that show (repeat the movie "nothing works for me")

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I don't know if you saw my latest post or not, but I added a paragraph about what I did today.

Yep, I noticed I just said that one doesn't count

I probably going to trade you 1 reply per 1 workout post Because I don't think these reply's are helping sometimes..