Originally Posted by Rockchick26
I feel almost like I am being controlled, like someone installed a microchip that automatically makes my brain think in certain ways.
You ARE being controlled; someone DID install a program in your mind that has you automatically reacting, rather than freely choosing.
That someone was you.
For years here you have been speculating about finding something outside yourself that will effect change in yourself (in your negative habitual thought patterns) and there's always, every time, a "good" reason that it won't work. And you're right -- nothing outside yourself -- nothing that costs money, or that you have to hire someone for, or that someone will give you -- is going to make any significant difference.
The only one who can reprogram you is you. And it takes dynamic willingness -- not just this flimsy, wimpy ("but I really do WANT it!") wishing and hoping crap that you've been floomping around with for years, but actually choosing change, and being the cause of it in your life.
I don't see you doing that, though. I predict you will say, "I don't know HOW to choose change and be the cause of it in my life! I need to find something OUT THERE that will help me figure out how to choose!" (The Chicken Opera of Change.
Which is very much like standing in front of someone offering you either chocolate or vanilla ice cream, and your saying, "I don't know HOW to choose between chocolate and vanilla!!!
(the Chicken Opera of Ice Cream.)
You choose by choosing.