[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by themaster

You can make time for this..just say "I will do my best to make time and remember during my ultra busy unemployed day"

I know it sounds silly for an unemployed person to not have enough time, but I can't explain it, how I have literally about 20 or 30 things that I have to do or want to do in, things are laying around cluttering up my apartment, until I can get to them, I don't understand it either. I do sit on the internet most of the day but I'm behind even on things I need to do on HERE! I guess it's just that if there is open time, it will be filled. Since I lack meaning and direction in my life, it gets filled with whatever I feel like doing at that moment. And my social calendar is always full too, I usually have plans 5 days out of 7. I know there is honestly no excuse for me not doing these exercises, wait a minute, I HAVE done a few of them a few times, why am I not getting any credit for that!? I have done them as much as I've done my own ideas, so I'm not even favoring my own over yours, I just can't stick to anything that doesn't prove itself rewarding. I gave up on my music website, I started it and couldn't finish it. I gave up on the recording studio "job". I gave up on learning how to play piano and guitar. I could write a book about all the things I started and quit.

Going to throw out a small example for you all right. let's take 2 people out there. and there exactly identical (twins, if you will) but 1 is happy and 1 is very unhappy.

Both of them go for a weekend (to the very same hotel) both get nearly identical rooms.

1 comes away from that weekend thinking it was awesome. I loved my room, I loved my shower, I met some really nice people, the town was great and wow what awesome things I bought via shopping.

1 comes away from that weekend thinking it was terrible. I hated my room (smelled of mildew), I found dead cockroaches in my shower! the manager was horrible to me as was that waitress! the town had nothing to offer me in total. tourist trap! I bought some used deck of cards at the flea market. there was just nothing good going on there. had a terrible time!

Do you understand what I'm trying to say.. when I wrote these out!

Yes, that is perspective. I understand that. And someone else in my situation might see it as a blessing or a miracle rather than a problem, I understand that completely. I just can't relate this story to what we were talking about how my past experience showed me LoA didn't work for me. In this example you are talking about 2 different people, but in my situation, I'm the same person. So unless some drastically radical shift happened in the last few months, I can't see how I would perceive the whole experience in a different way. (Unless, of course, it works this time! )

So just cause you tried the LOA and it didn't work and you expect that it will work that way again. well that idea isn't serving you.

I know the idea isn't serving me, probably half the things I do, think and believe don't serve me. And that's why I'm here because I dont know how to change that. Usually something major has to happen, or a great deal of time has to pass, in order for someone to change. I've changed in many ways, but they were all gradual changes that took place over time, or they took place naturally because my environment changed, my life situation changed. Those things change me more than I have changed myself willingly. So I guess you could say I can adapt to outside changes but I haven't been able to create it myself. I'm a reactive changer not a proactive one!

Remember, rockchick you've already told me you manifested. why can't you just say to yourself.. sometimes my manifestations have worked sometimes they haven't. nothing wrong with that. I'm going to keep trying.

*thinks* What have I manifested, I guess you could count the fact that I lost my job, because I hated that job and secretly wished I didn't have to work there anymore. I don't know why it took 18 years for it to happen though. Ugh that makes me worried it'll take me 18 years to find one I like!

Other than that I really don't know what else I've manifested, are you remembering more things than I can? Help me out here!

I know you have glimpses of optimism in you..rockchick. let the optimist/positive person in you shine. and by god. stop making me write so many brilliant texts and practice some damn tools!

Yes, I do have many many glimpses of optimism, every single time i discover a new hobby or interest I want to persue. Then I just add it to my ever growing list of things that overwhelm me because I don't know how I can ever do them all. That is probably why I sit on the computer as much as I do because it allows me to explore anything I want without having to risk a thing.

Here's what I'm going to do. no response from me past this last one. until you have a post in the "workout" thread showing you've WORKED out..

If I spend about a 1/2 to a hour of my time responding to you. I can only guess you do as well. where's the 1/2 hour or hour worth of actual spiritual change enabled?

I don't know if you saw my latest post or not, but I added a paragraph about what I did today.

What you couldn't have tried grounding? see if that relaxes you. throw those emotions and thoughts down that hole?

I know that is what I SHOULD have done, and honestly I did consider it, but I was too riled up, and I can't sit still and calm my mind like that. I have to vent. I had to hop online and talk to my friends, and that made me feel better. I could probably do the grounding thing now since I'm relaxed now. I also think the white rose thing will come in handy.

Let me honest rockchick. I'm about at the point where I think to get you to do things (spiritual) it's going to take a phone call. like I as your coach have to sit there and watch you do the pushups. and guess what I've stood up here and said I would do that. I would sit on a phone call with you and do some "guided meditations" yes. I would

That would only make things worse, I can't relax when I'm talking to people, especially on the phone since I have a phobia about that. Anytime somebody is around me I can't fully relax and anytime I'm on the phone I have to pace the floor. I actually have a path, I walk through the kitchen, into the livingroom, go around through the kitchen again, in circles, until I'm off the phone. I dont know why, it's just this nervous thing I do because I hate talking on the phone and if I try to sit still I'll start to feel agitated like I need to burn off some energy (probably stress from being nervous). Want to hear something really wierd but is probably too much information for some people? (I am about to get a little gross here) I physically can't go to the bathroom (#2) unless I'm alone. If I live with someone, I can't do it until they leave or go to bed. I can't do it when i'm on vacation, at other people's houses, it just doesn't happen. One time I went to CA for 7 days, I couldn't go the entire time, until I got home, because I was with my friend the whole time. I also could hardly sleep. I only sleep about 1 hour anytime I'm staying in a hotel with somebody or sleeping at someone's house. Sorry I got a little long winded there but I just had to explain my strange inability to relax anytime I'm around someone or talking on the phone to them!

You were a child once. you could pretend you were a "firefighter" a "actor" a "whatever" play the part. walk around your soon to be vacant apartment and say "hello, rothchild my butler. Ill take my tea in the study this evening " validate that you create in the now that your thoughts are real and it is possible to shift realities just like that <finger snap>

This is interesting you mention shifting realities just like that, because I actually thought of doing this to see if it would work; Writing a story of my perfect life, from beginning to end, like a novel, and then see if my current life starts shifting to that life. I got the idea actually from my favorite show, Lost, right now there are 2 realities and they are starting to merge together, and I thought hey that could be a fun way to create my new life, just pretend I'm on the show and I have a whole different reality and it's about to merge with the current one!

Children don't let their dad yelling at them shake them up if there in their place. there dad could tell them how bad they were dragging dirt into the house. but in 2 minutes later there right back to playing cops and robbers

Really?! I was never like that After my dad would yell at me, I'd be afraid to go near him for the rest of the day and I slowly started to want to be around him less and less. I've noticed the same behavior in my nephew, he's 4, and my brother/his dad is really strict with him and is always yelling at him, and the poor kid doesn't ever talk to him and when its time to go home, he cries and resists as much as he can. I think my brother is raising him the same way we were raised, always yelling at us about what to do, when to do it and how to do it. That is so not good for a kid!

This is my simple understanding..when you point out yours flaws.

You are saying "I don't like myself" and it's as simple as that. if you could see it from my perspective this once. you would see that a lot of the issues we have on the planet are all about "self love" and "self worth"

But everyone has flaws, you can't deny that. Humans are not perfect or we would have heaven on Earth right now. I think it's a great sign of strength to be able to admit your flaws.