Originally Posted by Elrond
I've read of many that have had a desire to be submissive but felt a discord with how they were conditioned to believe in feminism, equality, and so on. The same for men that want to be dominant. Maybe you should think more about your desires and whether or not you and your partner want to express it more even outside the bedroom and in everyday life. If you think about it the ideologies that women and men should be either equal or unequal in a relationship is just that: ideologies. It is not dynamics that have been proven to be superior to each other. Having unequal roles in the bedroom or in a relationship doesn't mean that one role is better than the other, just being in an administrative position in a company isn't better than being an engineer, for example. They both need each other.
Just because equal relationships is the PC thing right now doesn't mean that it is the best solution for everybody.
I'm definitely not into having an unequal relationship outside of the activity, and he is not either. We both typically control the areas of our life we are better or more skilled at, and the idea of a 24/7 power exchange is not something I have any desire for at all.
Originally Posted by elucidate
But isn't it possible the roles can merge after a while so that there is no longer a distinction between bedroom role play and their roles outside of the bedroom? Like if one partner is used to playing the part of the dominant one, can this not confuse them so that they become unpleasantly dominant in real life?
So far it has not. I guess you'd have to know him to know that he's really not an unpleasantly dominant person. He's no pansy, but he's a really relaxed, respectful, quiet, intelligent man. If I ever saw a sign otherwise, we'd have a big talk about it, but there is no hint of anything spilling over, and we are always in constant communication.
Originally Posted by MidasGirl
Are you enjoying yourselves? Do you both like it? Are you careful not to kill each other? lol
Who cares about equal genders in your bedroom? It's your bedroom. You make the rules.
I just wouldn't participate in anything that makes me uncomfortable, or turned off, or grossed out, or unethical to me.
Well I guess the answer is that I care. Not so much about what other people do, but about what I do. I enjoy this activity and so far it's only been positive, but just philosophically I wonder whether it internally contradicts some things. Overall I believe that it does not, but it is an occasional question in the back of my mind so I've enjoyed discussing it here.
In some ways, the sub has the power, because she or he can set the limits and they are unbreakable. My partner knows a list of things that he cannot do (and from discussing it does not want to do anyway, so that's good), and those things were set by me.