Originally Posted by Cloverhart
If you both enjoy it then it can't possibly be detrimental..we are all built differently with different preferences, just go for it and don't worry so much!!
I'm not so sure that logic is sound, though. Something can certainly be enjoyable but detrimental in the long term.
If, for example, we both enjoyed excessive alcohol drinking, that would still be detrimental in the long term. Now I'm not comparing bondage to excessive drinking, I'm just giving an example.
Originally Posted by AtomicAnt
I certainly understand the notion if it feels GOOD to you, do it.
But I don't understand how this a positive action. What is the purpose? Are you trying to create mock suffering? Define it any way you want. I can't see anyway that it will help your spirit. You are reenacting brutality, rape, almost murder. How in the world do you think that won't effect your spirit in a DISconnected way?
I'm glad I got a number of different opinions here.
The purpose is to have fun. I enjoy the feeling, he enjoys me, and it dramatically increases sexual pleasure. (Mature point ahead...): It increases how easy it is for me to have an orgasm and the intensity of it. Plus, we even do it without sex sometimes. It causes an adrenaline rush, and is playful.
I wouldn't necessarily say we are trying to create mock suffering. While tied up, I am not suffering for the majority of the time (and when I am, it's controlled and enjoyable). We have different levels or environments that we participate in.
For example, sometimes he ties me up, is really sweet, treats me wonderfully, gives me messages, tickles, and makes love to me with as much pleasure as possible. If I'm bound and can't anticipate what he's going to do, it increases the pleasure.
Other times we make it rough, I'm bound, and he roughs me up a little bit, or pushes my limits somewhat. Things like nibbling, slapping, hair pulling, the roughness of the restraints themselves, and that sort of thing.
Other times we do extended sub/dom scenarios. He'll have me lightly bound (perhaps just my hands in front), and if I'm good, I get to stay that way, and if I'm bad, I may loose more freedom like maybe he'll tie me up further, or maybe I'll receive some pain.
Or sometimes we do role playing, though usually not too involved. It sounds like we do it a lot, though it's not as often as it sounds. The majority of our intimacy is not about bondage.
We don't participate in anything humiliating or gross, as neither of us enjoy that. I mean, one could say that being tied up is humiliating in itself, but I don't think so. And while everyone has an idea of what is "extreme", we definitely don't go as far as many other people do. Nothing extremely painful.
And he never does it from a place of hate. He's a very nice person, very cultured, very respectful of women. He only does it because he knows I like it, he enjoys it, and we have fun. It's acting on his part, as he loves me the whole time. Sometimes I initiate the activity, and sometimes he does, but it's always consensual.
In some ways it has taken a lot of growth. At first we were both a bit shameful about it. He was embarrassed that he had this desire, and I was scared about revealing so much of myself and releasing so much control. But we clicked with it right away. The positives (besides pleasure and fun) I can think of are that, for me, it's an expression of complete trust and love in him. For him, he gets to express freedom and masculinity. He gets satisfaction from giving me satisfaction. He thinks of up various ways to provide pleasure during the activity. He gets home from a tough day at a white collar job, but then gets to be thought of as a naughty, sexy beast.
Originally Posted by anniecooper
I love it.
We take turns though, sometimes hes the rough nasty one, usually i am though.
I don't think,for my relationship, its going to be detrimental. I kinda feel like we are closer now we share that kind of a role in the bedroom.
I don't feel so scared to stand up to him outside of it now...
Im a really sexually based kind of girl though. I guess its just personal.
We tried taking turns a few times. After the first several times I was sub, I suggested I be the dominant one, and we tried that a few times. I'm glad we tried it, but it didn't really click. He doesn't enjoy being restrained as much as I do, and I don't like being the dominant one as much as he does.
I think we balance it out because when we are not doing this activity, we are completely equal, and if anything I'm probably the bossier one. I take more of a lead with a lot of other activities, as he's really relaxed and I'm usually more focused on things.
Originally Posted by MidasGirl
No. Not saying I'm into all the crazy stuff, but I "see" why some people might even want to go the extra mile. I think it contributes to personal growth. Unless you're allowing yourself to feel guilty because society tells you it's taboo. If you're not harming anyone, and all concerned are adult, willing and happy participants, how is it hindering personal growth?
If you aren't completely free of guilt in doing it, then perhaps that is the way in which it is hindering your growth.
I wouldn't say it's guilt, or worrying about what society thinks. I'm just looking for honest opinions. I'm not going to change just because society thinks its wrong, but I will listen to all opinions and see which ones make the most sense to me.
Sometimes I feel like it may conflict with my sense of equal genders, feminism. I feel like I get to express femininity in these activities by teasing him, flirting, playing coy, letting him take the lead, and so forth. And I feel like he gets to express masculinity by exploring his rougher side, displaying confidence, all while it is accepted and encouraged. But I'm sometimes wondering whether these thoughts of gender expressions are the negative aspects and shouldn't be encouraged. I don't think so, but sometimes I'm more philosophical about it and want to discuss.
Thanks for all the posts!