[KaleidoskopicVision]

Originally Posted by Illustro Cado

Here's the funny thing: when you manipulate people out of habit you're a slave to the manipulation. What looks like power on the outside is nothing more than a way to get your fix. If you do anything just to get a high it will bite you in the ass. The core you cares too much to not sabotage you.

There's two ways to deal with manipulation as far as I know:

1. Give it up completely.

2. Consciously utilize it when the situation calls for it.

Either approach requires self-knowledge as action and abstinence accomplish nothing on their own. KV, if you're zeroed in on what you can see, tap into what you feel.

You've got nothing to feel guilty about. No, what you've got here is an opportunity. Whatever made you write this will guide you on your way.

Thanks Cado. Very optimistic. I've also been taking random action/abstinence based approaches to my problems and each and every time have found myself back at square one. Self knowledge is important, but often action reveals that knowledge. I guess I'm tired of not having all the answers. I feel like the universe and I have been playing guessing games.

Originally Posted by shasah

KV, just realize that more people than you think know. They just don't say it to your face. There will come a situation if you continue as you are that will have major consequences. I know, I was there once. That one lesson came when I was in my twenties and it was devastating. I have since found that the truth will indeed set you free. Some people say I'm too honest, but I can deal with that. People respect me because they know I don't lie. If I screw up, I'm very up front about it. You are the only one that can make that decision. Do it before you get caught when it matters most!! Good luck.

I appreciate your imparting of wisdom. I don't want lying to be my own undoing. Many people probably do know that I lie and manipulate, which might explain why some people don't appreciate my company (seemingly for no reason). They can probably detect that I'm somewhat of a snake.

Originally Posted by Moxie

I think it's important to just stop manipulating people. I'm sure that you realize that just because you can, doesn't mean you should. And also, take it easy on yourself, you are expressing nothing but bad things about yourself, and that's only part of the story.

I've been actively trying to be more truthful. I lie without even thinking about it because it's become a habit, so it's much like trying to stop another bad habit like nail biting or smoking. And I realize my post was only part of the story. I just haven't told the shadow's story for a long, long time.

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I don't have any advice for you, other than to continue to acknowledge the nature of your existence. You'll know what to do about it soon enough, and eventually you'll have the courage to do it. I doubt that anyone on this forum knows better than you what to do about your condition.

I've made attempts at stopping habitual complaining in the past. It's a power draining activity. This post is really just complaining about my life. I have alot of options, plenty of opportunity and plenty of time. I also shouldn't be expecting an overnight solution.