Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - I shed a disempowering romantic relationship

Mabel · 04-10-2010, 11:23 PM

Hello all,

Today I put an end to a disempowering romantic relationship. It has now been a month since I left my job and within my first week of freedom, there was trouble brewing on the relationship front. Although I have experienced many accomplishments since leaving my job, turbulent times on the relationship front was showing real signs of derailing me. I have a few observations to share and I certainly welcome support and ideas:

1) Quitting my job had the side effect of helping me establish and honor healthy boundaries. This spilled over into my relationship issues. After having some agreed upon certain boundaries, they were crossed. I let my now ex know that if it happended again I would "hit the road fast and run far and never look back". I found out yesterday that the boundaries were crossed and I fell into my old pattern of getting mad, talking it out, going in circles etc. It was difficult to justify staying in this relationship after spending part of the day working on my review of the CGW experience (expect to be available on Monday) and describing in detail how I became ready to quit my job.

2) I knew that I was resisting the break up on some level and that it is all too easy to get back together even if there was a break up. Thus I made the decision to get some help in the area of accountabilty and got some counseling from Mike Shu and Alex Wu. Alex confirmed the reality of the situation and assured me that there are people out there that are a better match for me. Mike helped me formulate a plan for how to go about it without heaping on the blame. Although it did not play out quite that way in reality--it went a lot better than it could have if I did not have some guidance in thinking it through. Also--the important thing is that it happened. I also avoided getting dragged into a conversation about the past and alternatives etc--rather, I indicated that the situation did not work for me and I was done. It was a brief conversation which is what I wanted. Yeah--I was not perfect and I did tell him things like I did not trust him, however I was really direct about what I wanted--i.e. canceling planned activities and not seeing him for several days--thus mostly sticking to the mechanics of the new reality.

I would just like to reiterate the importance of accountability and access to highly conscious people when taking very difficult actions. It looks like I have a new section to write up on my accomplishements since CGW2. My emotions are at different places at different times. Sadness and loss are not easy to take--but neither is living a lie. Again I welcome accountability, suggestions, and support. I look forward to making space for a healthier romantic relationship.

Thanks for listening,

Sonya

04-10-2010, 11:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mabel Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Madison Wisconsin Posts: 258	I shed a disempowering romantic relationship Hello all, Today I put an end to a disempowering romantic relationship. It has now been a month since I left my job and within my first week of freedom, there was trouble brewing on the relationship front. Although I have experienced many accomplishments since leaving my job, turbulent times on the relationship front was showing real signs of derailing me. I have a few observations to share and I certainly welcome support and ideas: 1) Quitting my job had the side effect of helping me establish and honor healthy boundaries. This spilled over into my relationship issues. After having some agreed upon certain boundaries, they were crossed. I let my now ex know that if it happended again I would "hit the road fast and run far and never look back". I found out yesterday that the boundaries were crossed and I fell into my old pattern of getting mad, talking it out, going in circles etc. It was difficult to justify staying in this relationship after spending part of the day working on my review of the CGW experience (expect to be available on Monday) and describing in detail how I became ready to quit my job. 2) I knew that I was resisting the break up on some level and that it is all too easy to get back together even if there was a break up. Thus I made the decision to get some help in the area of accountabilty and got some counseling from Mike Shu and Alex Wu. Alex confirmed the reality of the situation and assured me that there are people out there that are a better match for me. Mike helped me formulate a plan for how to go about it without heaping on the blame. Although it did not play out quite that way in reality--it went a lot better than it could have if I did not have some guidance in thinking it through. Also--the important thing is that it happened. I also avoided getting dragged into a conversation about the past and alternatives etc--rather, I indicated that the situation did not work for me and I was done. It was a brief conversation which is what I wanted. Yeah--I was not perfect and I did tell him things like I did not trust him, however I was really direct about what I wanted--i.e. canceling planned activities and not seeing him for several days--thus mostly sticking to the mechanics of the new reality. I would just like to reiterate the importance of accountability and access to highly conscious people when taking very difficult actions. It looks like I have a new section to write up on my accomplishements since CGW2. My emotions are at different places at different times. Sadness and loss are not easy to take--but neither is living a lie. Again I welcome accountability, suggestions, and support. I look forward to making space for a healthier romantic relationship. Thanks for listening, Sonya