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Holden McNeil · 03-29-2007, 01:20 PM

Awesome responses, guys. Damn.

Here's the gist of what I'm getting in general. Additions/updates very welcome.

Acceptance. This is simply about detaching my ego. She's just doing whatever is in her best interest, whatever makes sense to her. It's reality. Can't ask any more than that, she's just "doing her job." It's who she is, good/bad, it's a part of her character, and I still love her to bits for that. No grudges, so I'm not being unnecessarily immature or mean in response.
In relation to that, it's also about realising that she (or anyone, really) can't make me feel, think, do anything - that's my job. She's really just making noise, anything more is up to my interpretation. Anything that I do feel, good or bad, is pointing within (like if I feel hurt at some flaw, or if I'm annoyed that she doesn't understand logic, etc. I can see how they mirror perceptions within me. Growth opportunties... yay!) And coz it's stuff I can work on, the more I sort out myself, the less that she (or anyone) says will affect me. Could even say that this factor, just in itself, would eventually sort the whole situation on it's own.
Self-respect. What I condone, what I don't. This is actually an area I'm lacking in, coz I do let people walk on me a bit, so it's forcing me to stand up a little more for myself (IE a self-esteem issue I've noticed). I could see that seeping into other areas of my life, too. So if she's seriously disrespecting me/my parents - then I gotta act there. Not giving her the satisfaction, whatever form that comes in (like silent approval (RT Wolf, ta ), or getting in an argument, or even resisting what she's saying (like you said Dharma, simply accepting all the stuff she says - which I'm sure has some other kind of personal "accepting effect" to it too )). Eventually her behaviour will modify, coz she's getting no reward. Kinda like Super Nanny, huh.

Strangely enough, this stuff seems to be mirroring the stuff I read in Steve's articles initially. It's just that I didn't fully "get" it back then.

And I'm starting to see how a belief in SR would work with this too. It seems like just about everything here fits in with SR... letting go of ego, realising that conflict is within. Wowee.

03-29-2007, 01:20 PM	#25 (permalink)
Holden McNeil Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 74	Awesome responses, guys. Damn. Here's the gist of what I'm getting in general. Additions/updates very welcome. Acceptance. This is simply about detaching my ego. She's just doing whatever is in her best interest, whatever makes sense to her. It's reality. Can't ask any more than that, she's just "doing her job." It's who she is, good/bad, it's a part of her character, and I still love her to bits for that. No grudges, so I'm not being unnecessarily immature or mean in response. In relation to that, it's also about realising that she (or anyone, really) can't make me feel, think, do anything - that's my job. She's really just making noise, anything more is up to my interpretation. Anything that I do feel, good or bad, is pointing within (like if I feel hurt at some flaw, or if I'm annoyed that she doesn't understand logic, etc. I can see how they mirror perceptions within me. Growth opportunties... yay!) And coz it's stuff I can work on, the more I sort out myself, the less that she (or anyone) says will affect me. Could even say that this factor, just in itself, would eventually sort the whole situation on it's own. Self-respect. What I condone, what I don't. This is actually an area I'm lacking in, coz I do let people walk on me a bit, so it's forcing me to stand up a little more for myself (IE a self-esteem issue I've noticed). I could see that seeping into other areas of my life, too. So if she's seriously disrespecting me/my parents - then I gotta act there. Not giving her the satisfaction, whatever form that comes in (like silent approval (RT Wolf, ta ), or getting in an argument, or even resisting what she's saying (like you said Dharma, simply accepting all the stuff she says - which I'm sure has some other kind of personal "accepting effect" to it too )). Eventually her behaviour will modify, coz she's getting no reward. Kinda like Super Nanny, huh. Strangely enough, this stuff seems to be mirroring the stuff I read in Steve's articles initially. It's just that I didn't fully "get" it back then. And I'm starting to see how a belief in SR would work with this too. It seems like just about everything here fits in with SR... letting go of ego, realising that conflict is within. Wowee.