Quote:
Originally Posted by Elixir  I honestly don't understand what's so wrong with me that people don't want to make friends with me =\. I feel like I'm a pretty interesting person. I think I'm decent looking [should looks even matter in friendships...], I think I'm pretty mature for my age, and I really care about people. I go out of my way to do nice things for my friends, I always listen to their problems and give advice, sometimes I'll surprise people with nice things they didn't expect, and if they have a problem, I'll go out of my way to research on it for them and I spend a lot of time thinking about other people. However,my kindness is never reciprocated or even appreciated. I'm a nice person by default and I don't want to become a ♥♥♥♥♥ just because other people aren't nice, but how my friends don't even care about me makes me want to be a ♥♥♥♥♥. =\
I'm a teenager in high school btw...is it just this teenager 'phase' or will things get better as I get older? =\ I feel like things will never change. |
Friendship does involve giving and taking. It seems like you've got the giving part down alright (perhaps a bit too much) - but are you asking for what you want in return? Or do you expect people to just notice what you need and fulfill that for you without you asking?
Would you feel confident in asking for what you want from your friends? "Hey, I really want to see X movie and go to Y - would you be up for doing that with me?"
or
"I've got a problem that I'd really like to talk through with you and get your opinion on."
or
"I could really do some help with my Z homework. Can you show me how to do Z again?"
How about a 30 day trial where you give a lot less, and ask a lot more - just to see how it goes. If you feel uncomfortable asking for what you want - then that will highlight you might want to work on that.
At the moment, it seems like you are stuck between two options - being nice but not getting attention or what you want, and being a ♥♥♥♥♥ and getting attention and what you want. Can you imagine a way to ask for what you want clearly and still be true to yourself?
(Oh and just to add - I notice that in addition to listening to their problems, you also 'go out of your way to research their problems for them.' I strongly suggest you stop doing that! Get out of their business and look after your own business! It really doesn't do people any favours to have their problems solved for them. If a friend has a problem you can ask them what they are going to do about it, or what they need to find out about it. But they can do the leg-work themselves!)
Quick question - what percentage of your time with friends is spent having fun and how much helping with problems?