Quote:
Originally Posted by PeoplePleaser 
When I'm out with hubby, someone bumps me with their shopping cart, I'm the one apologizing for being in the way. If someone is whispering, I assume they're whispering about me. If someone is angry, I think it's something to do with me. I take everything to heart - compliments are seen as disguised digs or taunts, sighs are assumed to be because the person is bored of my company... the list is endless.
The most frustrating part of it all is that no matter how I try to reason with myself, how often I reassure myself that it's all in my head, I know I don't truly believe myself.
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I totally get that. I never thought of myself as a people-pleaser, but what you describe isn't to different from what my reality was not too long ago. My mother is quite the people pleaser as well, and as much as I tried to resist, i picked up some of those tendencies. You actually learn the negative thought patterns at a young age, and repeated bad experiences act to reinforce those patterns, which is why it gets worse over the years. The whole reason I got into personal development was out of fear that my 20's would be full of the same anxiety, depression, and emptiness that my teenage years had been.
I would focus on finding some way to overcome your need for people's approval. In other words, stop caring what other people think. I know, FAR easier said than done, right? I'll share what works for me. Go out and do something that someone disapproves of. Intentionally do things that piss people off (nothing harmful or inappropriate of course). Most people have some silly thing that irritates them, that shouldn't. Find that button and poke it. Better to do this with people you can avoid, and who can avoid you, so if you go overboard you won't have to suffer for your mistakes. This works because, when you intentionally do something to irritate someone, there's no doubt that they are disapproving of you, so you won't be left to wonder, and you'll quickly discover that your life won't fall apart if you make someone mad. Another idea is to imagine that those people really
are talking about you all the time, and that they really
are saying all the things your mind makes up. What if they are? They could be. What kind of person would do that? A sodding wanker perhaps? People talk derisively about someone because they feel insecure, and some of those people feel smaller inside than you do. I've known quite a few people that really do talk trash about people
all the time. Underneath that cocky, obnoxious exterior they're quite pathetic. Other people's opinions of you only have what value you give them. Your happiness is worth more than their opinions.
You might like this article as well.
The One Ingredient Necessary for Accepting Yourself | Raptitude.com
The guy who writes that blog struggled with social anxiety as well, and he has a lot of good articles about overcoming it.
You don't need a psychologist to overcome your problems. It has been my experience that people have much greater success working through things on their own; you have to learn a lot, and exercise some courage, but it's free and it's better than paying some dude with a fancy piece of paper 300 dollars an hour to stroke his moustache and scribble on a notepad. Lots of people here can relate to your experience, so you need never feel alone or unsupported.
By the way, when you read people's responses, do you hear it in a british accent or an american one?
