I hope you will hear these folks and the advice to get outside help. I know that I always try to figure things out myself for way too long, and when it comes to our kids...we owe them the best support system we can find.
The most effective assistance I've found is taking my son to a therapist who uses EMDR. It's a technique that has had astounding relief even for people suffering from post traumatic stress of war, natural disasters and all things emotional. My favorite part is that it's a pretty quick treatment and not one that goes on and on. You can witness the healing very quickly. You may already know of this one.
If the young woman is talking about how she always hurts people...either way, if she's projecting onto herself or others...still, she needs some relief from that pain.
Maybe what we can do is support you, and offer prayers so that you can do what's needed and also take care of yourself. You've taken on a big responsibility. One last thing that I hesitate to mention? You say that you two have become "best friends". I have to say that's a big red flag for me. Maybe I'm projecting...because of my own history...There are many problems that can occur with that dynamic however. A good thing to discuss with a professional perhaps.
Kids need to know who's in charge and that they are safe, that's the main thing. They need a parent to be a parent, first and foremost who also knows when to step back to avoid becoming enmeshed with them. You haven't had the previous 17 years with her to learn this and are getting a sort of crash course perhaps.
I wish you the best with all of this and hope you continue to take care of yourself as well.
Pam  |