As RT Wolf said, acceptance doesn't necessarily mean you don't work to change the situation. In this sense acceptance means not being emotionally invested in a particular outcome. Hard to do in general, and even more so here because it involves someone you care about.
But acceptance doesn't mean you can't be harsh if that's what it takes to get her to see how detrimental her behaviour is. Perhaps "emotional detachment" would be a better term. See the situation at it is, decide how you'd like it to be, then work to make that change without getting emotionally caught up in the result. Therefore you'd use harshness as a tool, it wouldn't be an automatic, frustration-fueled reaction. If you're successful, good. If you're not successful, also good, but try again.
That's different from the completely acceptance that yossarian describes. I don't have much experience with that level of acceptance. It would mean total absence of value judgments. Everything is as it is, and that's neither good nor bad. An alien concept to me, and therefore I have little idea how someone would get there from here.
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