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Red Willow · 03-26-2007, 06:21 AM

I have to really agree with FourthDan. Sexual attractiveness ebbs and flows. People lose their sex appeal, people gain sex appeal. The most important part of a relationship is how a person is inside, their character, their sense of humor. Will she be there for you when you need her? Will she be a good mother to children (if that's what you want)? Do you have a shared belief in each other's goals?

I know it sounds so cliche, but really it's true. Ultimately, you may indeed be happier with someone else, but make the decision carefully.

I'll tell you a story. When I met my current husband, I wasn't very sexually attracted to him. But I recognized his inner goodness and strength. We clicked on every other level, just not sexually. I left him, thinking that what I really needed in life was "passion."

Well, what I found were alot of sexy men, none of whom held a candle to my husband's amazingness. I realized that I needed to change myself to relate better to him on a sexual level. I needed to focus on the things that ARE sexy about him. Pretty soon, all the things that I really thought weren't sexy about him stopped being a big issue.

I realized I was falling into a trap, letting "society" dictate to me who is sexy and who is not by its relentless youth and beauty standards. I decided to choose my husband and it was the best decision I ever made.

Sometimes I run into ex-boyfriends who are physically great looking and very sexy by society's standards, and I am so thankful I'm not with them. I shudder to think what my life would look like if I let physical attractiveness set the course of my relationship.

Thank god my husband took me back after all that.

Ask yourself why your girlfriend IS sexy...it could be anything that comes to mind...like, she reads Dostoyevsky in the original, she has beautiful shoulders, etc... Then tell her. Make her feel sexy. If you keep thinking about the fact that she has, say, fat thighs or snores or whatever, all she will ever be to you is a fat chick who snores (just examples, I obviously don't know her).

That's my advice.

03-26-2007, 06:21 AM	#8 (permalink)
Red Willow Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 83	I have to really agree with FourthDan. Sexual attractiveness ebbs and flows. People lose their sex appeal, people gain sex appeal. The most important part of a relationship is how a person is inside, their character, their sense of humor. Will she be there for you when you need her? Will she be a good mother to children (if that's what you want)? Do you have a shared belief in each other's goals? I know it sounds so cliche, but really it's true. Ultimately, you may indeed be happier with someone else, but make the decision carefully. I'll tell you a story. When I met my current husband, I wasn't very sexually attracted to him. But I recognized his inner goodness and strength. We clicked on every other level, just not sexually. I left him, thinking that what I really needed in life was "passion." Well, what I found were alot of sexy men, none of whom held a candle to my husband's amazingness. I realized that I needed to change myself to relate better to him on a sexual level. I needed to focus on the things that ARE sexy about him. Pretty soon, all the things that I really thought weren't sexy about him stopped being a big issue. I realized I was falling into a trap, letting "society" dictate to me who is sexy and who is not by its relentless youth and beauty standards. I decided to choose my husband and it was the best decision I ever made. Sometimes I run into ex-boyfriends who are physically great looking and very sexy by society's standards, and I am so thankful I'm not with them. I shudder to think what my life would look like if I let physical attractiveness set the course of my relationship. Thank god my husband took me back after all that. Ask yourself why your girlfriend IS sexy...it could be anything that comes to mind...like, she reads Dostoyevsky in the original, she has beautiful shoulders, etc... Then tell her. Make her feel sexy. If you keep thinking about the fact that she has, say, fat thighs or snores or whatever, all she will ever be to you is a fat chick who snores (just examples, I obviously don't know her). That's my advice.