you say you'd feel guilty if you were beautiful. i think thats where you need to look to find a solution. we often make limiting decisions in our lives about things, that we then forget about and they act like barriers and inhibit the natural flow of our lives.
something that has helped me in the past in a similar situation and what i would suggets you do, is to write down all your limiting decisions youve made about beauty. about feeling guilty etc. maybe you feel like you dont deserve to be beautiful, or that depriving yourself of luxury will help others gain it, write that down too and anything else that comes to your head when you think about beauty. pour your heart and soul out. when you feel like u've written it all, write some more. and again.
once youve done that, take someone you aspire to be, or someone who already has beauty, and write down the decisions they would have made, for example: i enjoy taking care of myself, eating healthy, exercising makes me feel great, etc. again write as many as you can.
then you can make a comparison of the two lists and see exactly whats going on in your head now, vs what you want to have, and where these two pictures are unharmonious. once you lay it bare, it is easier to make new decisions that take you towards your goals instead of away from them. i hope this helps. let us know how you get on.
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