Very thorough post.
If you wrote a book in such a manner, I'd buy it.
Software Dev...that's very interesting...keep us updated.
I have had a dysfunctional family in my youth as well. I dealt with similar things but will admit that it wasn't as painful as this.
I also understand what you mean by saying that the family cycle needs to be broken and needs someone to do it. You made the choice as I have, future generations, even if they don't know you did this, will live happier for it.
Having gone through a dysfunctional family like this, I too had a cornucopia of issues and insecurities. I have found all of their roots in my childhood. You needn't look elsewhere.
What happens to us as children is that we absorb the behaviors of people around us to form our worldview and personalities. Seeing as you had dysfunctional parents (without you absorbing the bad habits; alchool, abusive attitudes, etc.) your mind and body found a way to absorb these behaviors with emotions instead of bad habits - clearly you knew that being anorexic and alcoholic would only make your hell worse. So how does a child become an insecure adult? By creating a personality from the other personalities that surround him. This is where your problems come from. You formed limiting beliefs because of the bad behaviors and interpretations your parents gave you. You reinforced them and conditioned them by absorbing them and repeating them over several years until they became normal reactions and habits. Realizing the depth of how this works will alleviate the majority of effort you would seem to need to get rid of these.
If you like, send me a PM, we can talk about this and I'd be glad to. I am 26 years old, and having gone through similar places, I have made it a priority for myself in the last couple of years to get to the bottom of my issues. I can pinpoint most of my insecurities and issues all the way back to my childhood. I still am working on myself and still have some anxieties but the majority of these problems are gone now, there was a catalyst that made me become a new person though - it was a program offered through Steve's affiliate programs, Morty Lefkoe. Look into it, he will eliminate the core limiting beliefs you formed in your childhood and beleive me when you are done, even just 1/5th of the program you will cry from the rush of happiness you will acquire through finally knowing that your absolutely fine. I am at 1/5 of the program and stopped, the change it made within me was so great and it feels like my mind was unlocked with a master key and I found happiness within it. Sounds cheesy but that is how it feels. Take the time you need to go through the program, the positive changes it makes within you are so great that you will need to take time off to give yourself time to make sense of it. You would be surprised what these beliefs do to your thought process, they basically take your ability to listen and apply reason. I find myself finding answer several times faster than before because of this program.
Nothing is stronger than a human being. Look at you; you went through hell and reached the lowest depths of your life and managed to pick yourself up!
Hope to hear from you.