Well, since working through the benifits for me of staying overweight I gained some valuable insight into why I am resistant to losing weight and self sabotage my weight loss without realising im doing it until after Im finished doing it.
I have been using the excess kilo's as a barrier to everything I am afraid of, I honestly believe that if I am overweight, no one will date me or find me attractive, I can't travel or move out of home or pursue a career path. This is all obvioulsy untrue but feels REAL on a deep level. But if I lose wieght I then might have to deal with all these fears so I don't lose enough weight!!
Despite really wanting to be slim and healthy.
Solution: I am going to face the fears that are holding me back despite feeling I am too fat to be allowed to them.
And I have been. This week I went out with my friends on the weekend and made a commitment to my parents and myself that I am moving into college at the begining of next year regardless of what i may weigh.
These decisions and the meditation have meant that I am now aware of when Im full and I've stopped eating. Or if I suddenly feel hungry I will wait and then realise Im just anxious and not start eating and address the anxiety!!
So dethroning the Eating disorder and fears associated with it is going well.