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Originally Posted by ReallyGoodIdeas  "your interactions with others always go more smoothly when you don't show your fear, right?"
I'm not sure Mark... I reckon people warm to you more when you're honest, and you can tell when someone is scared anyway. If someone tells me that they are scared of whatever it is, at least I can interpret their behaviour correctly?
But maybe among people who are not your friends you may have to put on a brave face. Is it a lack of trust instead? |
Hmm, true, "always" doesn't belong in that sentence does it? "sometimes" would be more appropriate
But imagine a specific situation, like an interview. Everyone understands fear in that situation, yet, in my experience, allowing the fear to show clearly, through stammered words, mental blanks, fidgeting, etc., results in more fear/nervousness and a poorer impression made on the interviewer. My best interview experiences have been where preparation has allowed me to march right through the fires of nervousness. I still felt scared, but it didn't seem as obvious as during other, less successful times.
But say I'm in a group EFT session, for example (
), and I'm feeling afraid that I might embarrass myself. In that situation it would be more beneficial to let the fear show. That's what I'm there to sort out, after all.
So I agree, different circumstances, different approaches.
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Originally Posted by Iksander Growing up as a male in modern America - I can relate to you. The idea that you are a 'wussy' if you acknowledge your feelings is a predominate idea.
It is a fine line to draw though - I mean, what makes us up as men? I always thought it was our absoluteness and solidity. Our will power and strength. |
Guess I'll hand in my man card then.
Btw, what does "absoluteness" mean?
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Originally Posted by Trina I agree with ya here Hazel. I get frustrated when my husband and I are going through a rough patch and he shows no fear. It comes across as not caring at all. I don't want him to be riddled with fear and render himself incapacitated by it, but it's nice to know that he at least cares. I don't feel like I am overreacting, making a big deal out of nothing, or all alone when he lets me know that he is scared too. The comfort from that alone makes the situation easier to deal with because I know that I am not alone. Am I making sense? |
Hmmm, this is the opposite of what I've heard men are supposed to be. Women have told me that they want a man that makes them feel safe, protected. Comforted by the fact that despite whatever they're up against, they can handle it with the support (which could be just a supporting presence) of their man.
We're lead to believe that the comfort you get comes from us showing that we're able to deal with anything that comes along, even if we don't actually
have to deal with it.
Perhaps the confusion comes from not recognising that different situations require different approaches. For example, a romantic holiday which turns into a disaster as one thing after another goes wrong; that would be a time when being unafraid would help, wouldn't it?
And what if a guy were in a relationship which was facing hard times, but he said that he wasn't scared because he firmly believed they'd both get through the rough patch? If he showed it by doing something to clearly demonstrate that he still deeply cares for his partner, I'd think that would be preferable to him showing fear.
Of course if he
is scared, then yes, in a relationship complete honesty would be preferable. One of the things that makes relationships so enjoyable is gaining an ever greater understanding of each other. Can't do that if one or the other pretends to feel something they're not.