[TheEastern]

Is it just me who consistantly can't think up a good subject for a thread in less than 2 minutes? Anyway...

The people here seem to all have their heads on pretty straight, so I thought I'd ask all of your advice. Here's some background before I really get into the problem. Obviously you can skip ahead if you're impatient.

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now. I am her first boyfriend, but I've had a few girlfriends before her. I met her and was immediately attracted to her, and I told her that after getting to know her better for about two or three weeks. I asked her if she'd want to date me, and she said yes. Since then we've just worked together very well in a relationship. We are both honest and communicative, so naturally our relationship developed the same way.

At three months or so, she said she loved me. It seemed a little soon to me, so I didn't say it back immediately. She was a little disappointed, but she was understanding. About a week after that, I started to say it back. I was pretty sure I loved her too. Our relationship progressed and grew, and around our first anniversary, she had been taking the pill for a month, and we had sex for the first time. It was the first for both of us. Since then we've gotten more comfortable around each other as the relationship continued to grow.

So that's our history. We worked out our problems together when we got to them, and here we are now, at a year and a half. But lately, I've been starting to doubt whether I actually love her. The doubt has become more prominent in my mind until now, where I am pretty sure that I don't. I might've when I said it to her the first time, but I don't think I do now. I like being around her and just joking around, and our sex life is really good too (a nice effect of us being communicative). I like doing all of the things we do together, but it almost feels now that she's my friend who I have sex and cuddle with.

And it's worse than that, because I can tell with certainty that she loves me without a doubt in her mind. I can tell by the way she says it. And when she says it like that, I try to say it back with the same amount of feeling, but it feels like a lie. Either I fool her every time, or she's a good actress.

And this is not just me looking for excuses to be single again and able to do what I want with who I want without worrying whether it's okay. Don't get me wrong, the idea is appealing; but that is not my motivation. It just feels like now, I'm just with her because, hey, why not, and she has a lot more emotional stock in the relationship than I do.

She's out of the country right now for a short amount of time, and I don't miss her like I usually do when she's gone. I worry that I won't miss her at all, even near the end of her trip.

So I don't know what to do. You all seem like a smart bunch; maybe you could give me some advice--or at least tell me that it will be okay and give me a big hug.

I've got to head to bed, but I think that's basically all I was going to say for now anyway. I look forward to you responses.