Elise,
if you have read the replies to Lynae's post, you know that grieving is often done in recurring cycles, to be more manageable. The more you suppressed it before, the less of this piecemeal dealing-with-the-loss you were able to do in the past.
If you can accept this as the way things are, and that you are perfectly entitled to feel this way, then you will be, again, one step closer to finding your balance.
Your brother is not truly gone. You will find him in your memories, in situations that suddenly remind you of him, good or bad, and that have taught you much in life and about life. If you open up to listening, you will be able to find him, his essence, everywhere around you.
His spirit never died, and when you think of him, he can hear you, even though answering back may not be easy, or you may not hear.
If there was some kind of ritual, something you loved doing together, you could maybe ask him to send you someone who will do that thing with you in his stead, and allow you to always hold on to the good memories you have in your heart.
The love you have for each other is always there.
|