There is a difference between being agressive and assertive. At the moment you are thinking in terms of being either passive or aggressive, perhaps you could think about being assertive.
Being agressive might mean that you win in the short term and someone else loses, but in the long term you both lose because it creates a hostile situation that it is difficult to back down from. Win-lose = lose-lose.
Being passive means that in the short term you lose and someone else wins and in the long term you both lose because you end up resenting them and making yourself upset. (You might also flip into aggressive behaviour and lose that way - see above) Lose-win = lose-lose.
Being assertive means that you are clear about your boundaries and at the same time respect the rights of the other person. It's creating a win-win situation so that everyone leaves with the best possible aboutcome. Win-win = win-win!
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccer7  a) "touch me again and i'll pop ya"
b) "stop touching me will ya, your annoying !"
c) "please stop touching me, it makes me feel uncomfortabe".
Althought i listed the last one, i don't think i'll take that option, when it happens i'll get too frustrated and just end up shouting at him or something. |
a) is Aggressive. As you've been passive for so long, he probably won't believe you so will touch you again. You'll either have to follow through with your threat and punch him and risk a fight. Or you'll have to not do anything and revert to being passive which means that he won't take any future threat seriously and you'll feel rubbish about yourself.
b) is Aggressive. Telling someone they are annoying insults them (how would you like it if it was said to you?) OK not as agressive as a, but it won't lead to positive outcome. He'll get defensive and upset and probably shout something nasty back at you! I doubt he will stop touching you.
c) is Assertive - especially if said firmly and calmly. If he does touch you again, repeat the same phrase again firmly. (You may have to repeat it a few times if the guy doesn't get the message). Just keep saying calmly and firmly and eventually it will stop being fun for him and he will stop. No need to be aggressive because as we have seen that could cause things to escalate. Just calmly assert your rights not to be touched.
Doing an assertiveness training course was one of the best investments I ever made as being passive showed up in a lot of areas of my life. I think you might find it useful too as I suspect there are other times in your life where you back down rather than assert your rights.
Good luck - let us know how it goes
