I know it sounds counterintuitive but it's really true. I know this because I have experienced it for myself.
When I began to REALLY care about myself, and care about myself first, two things happened: The people who were negative in my life either disappeared OR freaked out and acted out so badly that I had to dump them. As I healed and loved myself, I learned I had the reserves in place to dump people with more and more love and compassion so that there was very little if any drama.
The other side of that coin is that the people left in my life who are positive forces now enjoy a happier, healthier me who has A LOT more love, compassion and energy to give them. My parents and my aunt especially have reaped the benefits of this because I have been able to follow through on my promises better, I cook family meals and invite them to my house, and I have been interested in and figuring out how to help them be better than ever with simple support instead of pressuring them.
My mom avoided by a hair getting one of Toyota's infamous recalled models because she felt zero desperation in the car buying process. And why did she feel zero desperation? Because I had gone online, subscribed to Consumer Reports and downloaded a list of "best models" and "models to avoid" for her. I was also able to hook her up with a person who is an expert in buying used cars, and he talked to her about his experiences buying cars in our hometown and things to avoid.
She still made her own choice, but because I gave her access the information she needed and the emotional support she needed, she felt confident enough to take her time making the very best choice for her.
Instead of just buying something "that day" on the first lot like she admitted she would have otherwise, she actually went to three dealerships and test drove three cars. When the salesman at the "best" dealership severely pressured her to buy a car, she left, and literally an hour later at breakfast saw in the USA Today that exact model was under the huge Toyota recall. (Hello, synchronicity!)
Mom knew she had an alternative because she had the list of "best model" choices to look at. She went to the third dealership and test drove a third car, which she ended up buying. She loves her Honda Civic and remembers the entire car experience as very positive. Even the "pressure dude" ended up being positive because his tactic helped her avoid a car she would be afraid of driving.
She is happy every time she gets in the car. Best of all, she made all of her choices herself, which is what she really needs, but felt supported and loved by me enough to make GOOD choices without worry or desperation.
So that is just one example of what loving me first and healing myself has done for someone I love very much. I hope that concrete example helps you see how deeply layered and how "mundane yet profound" this can be for you and others.
Rachel