Keeping that inner child alive doesn't mean you should go through life behaving like a three-year-old.
It means remembering how you saw that ray of sunlight glinting off the snow-covered field. It means jumping up and down just for the fun of it...sometimes, not all the time.
It means remembering what dreams you had, and keeping that spark alive, that outlook into the future where you dreamed about doing great things.
Sure, maybe you think that your dreams are not too realistic. That's okay. But you are also not your job. You are not your house. And even though this may hurt a lot...you are not your family.
In the end, what it all boils down to is...there is one person that you can never run away from, that you will have to keep facing until the moment you die....and that is yourself.
I like how you take responsibility for the choices you made, and for the choices you make now, and for what is and is not in your life. I suggest you try not to see it as "making up for past wrong decisions", though. Right and wrong are meaningless without something to measure them against. You made choices in your life, and they have led you to where you are now. This in itself is neither "right" nor "wrong". It also isn't "good", or "bad" in itself. Those are interpretations and judgements you attach to these life circumstances because that is how you choose to see them right now.
Let's play a mean ugly mind game. What if the worst happened? What if you lost your house, didn't find new employment, and your family never wanted to hear from you again at all...EVER?
Would that kill you? Would you eventually manage to come to terms with it? What would you do? Would you find a way to somehow handle even this situation?
Your post, especially the work part, sounds as though you have to give up yourself in order to perform adequately and keep your employment. Is that what you want your life to be? No? Then what can you do to change it to something you WANT it to be?
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