Thank you, you're right, I am focusing on what I don't want. How did I not see that, it seems so simple now.
I'm trying to help him to stay focused on the positive aspects of his life. I've suggested that he get counselling to help him with his emotions and his anger but he refuses to go, so I'm doing my best to listen to him and encourage him to tell me about the good things in his relationship and how it makes him feel.
I'm not sure that I'm any good at it, but it seems to help him in the short term. I do find it quite draining though, it's such an effort on my part to steer the conversation round towards the positive things.
I try to visualise him answering positively to the questions I ask him, and sometimes it works. I wish it were easier. I'm trying to use positive language in my conversations with him and in my thoughts about him.
It's nice to talk to people who don't think I'm crazy thinking I can help by changing the way I think about him. Thanks for listening to me
