Okie reading your mail gives me the impression that you are focussing on what you dont want. Shift your focus to what you want. Its that simple
Let go of any feeling of guilt. You did not intentionally hurt him.
Accept whatever has happened was a result of all the actions and events. It was meant to happen. But the present moment is under our control and what we do now will shape the future.
Use your the power of your imagination. Visualize him happy and at peace with himself. Visualize everyday in the morning and before you go to bed. Throughout the day use affirmations to help yourself when you feel negative.
If there is any way you can help him financially, then do it. Also be grateful for what you have today.
A miracle happens when you beleive in it. This is your world, your universe. Pray and you will get what you want.
HTH.