Helping others is part of self-actualization. So, helping others is actually for our own good. In doing so, we get to learn some of the lessons we are supposed to learn during our incarnations and to receive good karma. We can't do this on behalf of other people, simply because we are not them.
Maybe people see it that if we help others while putting ourselves first, it is that we are helping people for our own selfish reasons. If we want to achieve enlightenment, the way is to help people out of good will. If we do things out of selfish reasons, we ain't doing ourselves good, hence, we are not putting ourselves first.
We can only show others the way to enlightenment after we experience it ourselves. If we insist on putting others before us, we will be like someone who is helping people to achieve enlightenment while ourselves are not enlighten. We won't know the way, so no matter how we try to help, we ain't really helping. So why not go there first and show other people the way afterwards?
When we help people, we need to consider their interest. And fulfilling their interest is our own interest. The thought about whether we should put their or our interest as first can only occur when there is a conflict of interest. But there shouldn't be a conflict of interest when we accept their interest as our interest. The need to put who as first becomes an illusion.
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