well, i have never had a girlfriend and up to now i'm still finding my courage, so i don't think i will be very helpful, but i have done alot of growing this year, and will post what i think to be the most integellent suggestion.
I don't really think she'll be coming back soon according to your story, so try to relax abit, release that death grip on the knife.
Firstly, lets say she comes back and appologise, would you forgive her, and if you can? Then what ? Are you going to risk getting into another relationship with her knowing she what she has done to you ?
Even if you do i recon there will be a certain degree of mistrust, caution and suspicion you will hold against her, is that the kind of relationship to look forward to ?
Secondly, perhaps you can adopt the idea that life is just a series of lesson,
here's a qoute from a book i just brought called "following your heart" by Andrew Mathews
Quote:
Divorcing someone doesn't mean our class with them is over. If the marriage is finished, but we're still blaming them for your misery and our mortage, we are still hooked to them! We remain linked because there is more to learn.
You say: "But the guy is a turkey! I could do anything but forgive him!" Forgiving him probably would be the hardest thing - and it's probably something you are not good at - so you are getting a chance to practice it. You can postpone the class, but if you want your life (and your hearlth) to improve, you'll have to take it sometimes. While we believe that someone is ruining our life, that belief will make it true for us. It might seem like they are in the way of our happiness. Actually it's us in the way - because we choose how we see people.
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I know its not descibing your situation exactly, but there's a similar pattern to be recognized.
I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but i think the best sollution is to let her go, otherwise all your doing is just making yourself miserable. Re-evaluate yourself and try to see where you went wrong, here's another qoute from that same book,
Quote:
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we get in life what we ask for. Bruce charms his women with diamonds and perfumes. When they walk out on him, he claims he's been used for his money. If you go fishing with diamonds for bait, you'll catch fish that like diamonds! is that a surprise?
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i'm not saying you did something like the above example, i'm just saying that if you did, then that's where you went wrong. We have the tendancy to blame other people for all our problem but hate to admit that we are also the cause.
Becoming too attached to someone who isn't commited to the relationship is a common mistake, but never-the-less a mistake. So what is the solution? realise that it is a mistake and grow.