Originally Posted by Antiventurecapital
I have a friend who believes in spirit guides and regularly asks for their guidance.
If I have them as well, then they are either grossly incompetent or shirkers who never show up for work.
So my question is, is there any way to replace them?
Is there a website where you can post a job opening for a spirit guide?
I've been thinking about this for a few days, waiting to have an answer that might be helpful... (And yes, I'll answer your questions)
First though, have you tried writing as a way of communicating with them? I did that for years, without even realizing that's what I was doing. I'd just pick up some paper or my journal and start writing all the crap that was in my head. Then most of the time, once I got all the junk out, I'd start writing something else. Something that usually felt good to read, and was often very supportive and encouraging. And sometimes instructional.
It wasn't until a couple of months ago when I read an old journal that I realized - the responses were coming from both my Higher Self (me as Spirit, the "Who-I-Really-Am Part") and my Spirit Guides. It was an amazing feeling to know I'd been connecting and communicating with them for FAR longer than I'd realized.
The key thing here is I HAD to get all the anger/fear/frustration/hatred/worry/anxiety/etc out of me FIRST. Any time I stopped before getting it out, there was no Response from Spirit. Meditation does something similar - gets the crap out of the way so you can then clearly communicate as spirit, with spirit.
Looks like it would also work to do the same thing verbally - say it out loud - again, until it's all out.
(I haven't forgotten your questions, answers coming in just a second)
In your case, writing looks easiest/clearest. You could start with something like "where the heck are my spirit guides???? You guys suck..." Or whatever.)
As for this: "...had a sneaking suspicion that they were sitting around somewhere, just out of earshot, smoking a big fat doob and giggling as I lay curled up in a fetal position on the floor." You saw this image correctly, as it was presented to you to see, but, it was not your spirit guides.
Your guides are right behind that picture, waiting (for you to be aware of connecting).
And, sure, you can 'place an order' for new Spirit Guides. (No website to list a job opening though) But it's easy, just write out everything you want in a guide. Be very specific. Work on it for a couple of weeks, at least. Get all the anger and resentment and frustration out of the way first. Then ask for exactly what you want. When it feels complete, drop it in a psychic mailbox, and wait.
Here's the funny thing though. Remember the Pina Colada song? Where the woman places a personal ad and her boyfriend answers? Where they turned out to be exactly what each of them wanted, they just didn't know it? All they needed was to communicate in a different way?
Well, just sayin... :-)
(feel free to PM me)