Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

bodhiavttas · 03-16-2007, 04:57 AM

Hi, Ellie,

You're right about not wanting to go back to these meetups. It seems like they drain all sorts of energy from you.

I think the key here is, as a poster pointed out above, to empathize with the "bad guys". They really are insecure if they do feel like gossiping, esp. over and over and over. I have to catch myself when I feel like saying something not-so-nice about someone; usually I realize that I'm actually in some backward way threatened by this certain someone... it's weird.

So I don't think you need to "save" the other forum members from the gossiping of the people you have met in real life. For one thing, you'd add a "gossip" about a gossip... they might not believe you, and think that YOU're gossiping because you're jealous of the members you say are gossiping!!! (Esp. since they don't know you in real life). Also, we are talking about two different worlds here, the virtual, and the real. It would be another thing if these were close friends of yours in real life who were being mean to each other behind each other's backs, and your goal was to make your friendship better. (And maybe you would still want to take it cautiously.) But what are you going to accomplish here? Probably the people you are going to talk to about this are going to feel hurt, because somebody said something not very nice about them whom they've never met in real life! It's kind of crazy. I would avoid this at any cost.

Good luck, whatever your decision! And don't go to these meetups anymore if you feel they're bad for you!

PS I know Steve has some posts about better online forum usage; I've never read them but he might address the issue of getting what you want from forums without having to stand all the drama/crap.

03-16-2007, 04:57 AM	#10 (permalink)
bodhiavttas Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 24	Hi, Ellie, You're right about not wanting to go back to these meetups. It seems like they drain all sorts of energy from you. I think the key here is, as a poster pointed out above, to empathize with the "bad guys". They really are insecure if they do feel like gossiping, esp. over and over and over. I have to catch myself when I feel like saying something not-so-nice about someone; usually I realize that I'm actually in some backward way threatened by this certain someone... it's weird. So I don't think you need to "save" the other forum members from the gossiping of the people you have met in real life. For one thing, you'd add a "gossip" about a gossip... they might not believe you, and think that YOU're gossiping because you're jealous of the members you say are gossiping!!! (Esp. since they don't know you in real life). Also, we are talking about two different worlds here, the virtual, and the real. It would be another thing if these were close friends of yours in real life who were being mean to each other behind each other's backs, and your goal was to make your friendship better. (And maybe you would still want to take it cautiously.) But what are you going to accomplish here? Probably the people you are going to talk to about this are going to feel hurt, because somebody said something not very nice about them whom they've never met in real life! It's kind of crazy. I would avoid this at any cost. Good luck, whatever your decision! And don't go to these meetups anymore if you feel they're bad for you! PS I know Steve has some posts about better online forum usage; I've never read them but he might address the issue of getting what you want from forums without having to stand all the drama/crap.