Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Chui  Alright, I think I understand better what you mean.
I think my "inaccurate interpretation" stems from my belief that no action is negligible (so the choice to ask or not to ask the man in the wheelchair affects both him and yourself). Thus, I don't see the concept of doing something without affecting something else. So, to me, it isn't a matter of whether or not effects happen, but rather whether or not you care about them. |
Yeah. "helping someone" is a tricky thing. I want to make a positive difference in people's lives (in fact, I care about that!) and "help" is not always welcome or appropriate. The guy in the wheelchair, for instance. It's very possible that my offering to help him go uphill could be taken as insulting or demeaning, and that would not be making a positive difference in his life! Or, take the guy who insists on helping a woman carry her groceries and is shocked when the woman abruptly refuses his help. This is a common predator's tactic, and women should pick out their helper, if they need one -- usually another woman is best. Nevertheless, the guy's feelings are hurt -- he was only trying to help!
And in the case of this thread -- a person who is holding onto pain is not necessarily going to be "helped" if I attempt to change that. Unsolicited advice, I think, is more valuable to the adviser herself than to the advisee. The best way I can think of to make a difference is to be present, to continue my own path of positive growth and hopefully be inspiring, and to gladly and gratefully offer what I can
when asked.
You know that old koan about picking up the snail and putting him by the side of the road -- how do you know you were helping him?