newdad - It seems like this young woman does not know what she really wants in life. If she did, she would spend her time pursuing it instead of harassing her mother. I would try focusing on increasing her awareness of her behavior, bringing her attention to the logical consequences of her actions, and what is fair and what's not. Teenagers love to argue, and if you keep your cool you can likely point out a great many inconsistencies in her present worldview. For example, it's inconsistent to disrespect her mother and get money from her mother at the same time. If she thinks it is, ask her to justify it logically. Whatever you do, keep your cool. She doesn't want to be ruled by your emotions -- if anyone's emotions are going to run her life, she's obviously going to want it to be her own.
Now, back to polarity. From a dark (self-interest) perspective there are many reasons to want this girl to respect you. You'll be more respected by your peers, you'll be in a better situation, and you'll have less to worry about. Above all, you'll respect yourself more if you can get obedience out of your own daughter.
From a light (building for others) perspective there are also many reasons to want her to respect you. She will be better off as an individual. Her mother will have less to worry about. The world will be a truly better place if this young woman respects others.
From her perspective, if she's dark she should respect you because it will get her what she wants more effectively. If she's light she should respect you because it will make you feel better. (Likewise for her mom, and any other adult.)  |