I once frequented a forum for Ben Folds fans, for a little while. There were a few people there who were quite knowledgeable about music in general, so there were some good discussions.
But for the most part the people there were arrogant, elitist, and infantile, insulting anyone who dared claim to be anywhere near as much of a fan of Ben Folds as them, and accepting only those who joined in in insulting others.
I knew it would be pointless for me to say anything to them, they'd already decided I wasn't one of them. But I calmly pointed out that differing opinions were the path to greater understanding, and that they could have plenty of fun without driving most people away. And then I left.
In that case there was no going behind someone else's back, it was all out in the open. If there had been backstabbing, I would point out any unfair judgment to the judger, and speak to the judgee (it's not a real word, but read it as "person being judged") to let them know that I felt differently, but I wouldn't tell the judgee what the judger said. I don't like getting in the middle of an argument.
I still always try to point out how people could improve themselves, if I see an opportunity. It doesn't upset me if they get upset by it. Perhaps a seed will be planted, and one day they'll become better people. Aside from leading by example, I don't know how to more effectively show people a better way, especially since "better" is subjective...
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