Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. You were actually both instrumental in leading me to BL...I was searching online in the vein of "beyond manifesting" and it lead me to these forums and the specific BL thread which you were both very active on. Pretty nifty of me to have created you both in that way, thanks for playing your parts to perfection
Waxy, I am right there with you on the "faith and what have I got to lose" part. I can't explain it, but I know the BL information is what I am supposed to be focusing on right now. I guess part of me is dreading the non stop painful processes that RS described in the book. The first few times I did the process I really felt it, and felt the power coming back to me. But now it's just not the same feeling, I am feeling the discomfort as much as I can but not the exploding the egg part. Somehow I still feel like I am doing something "wrong". I guess it's because I'm wanting the hologram to change and I'm having trouble breaking away from that idea.
Angela, I think I"m having trouble accepting that this is all an adventure of my own creating. I am very goal focused, and I think I'm struggling with what's the end game here? What is the point? That there is no point? It somehow is all feeling like a giant waste of time. I understand what you are saying in terms of making a positive difference for others...but really there are no others so why would I care about making a difference at all?
A little background on me, I've been working with Reiki, both healing and teaching, for years. When I first found it, it profoundly changed me. I have dealt with depression all my life and finding Reiki was like lifting a mental fog that I'd been walking around in. I used it on myself, in my previous profession (in health care) with my patients, and in teaching it to others. I just started to gradually move away from it the last few years, as I changed professions and no longer had much time for it. I am working with it extensively again and using it to help me integrate all the new BL info, but it's a slow go.