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Originally Posted by mrlkh2007  Thankyou Greek dog. When i said what i said i was scarred because i felt so bad about myself and knew that i could never change the past, therefore i was stuck feeling bad about myself forever. For some reason i wanted him to know i was afraid cos i was desperate for some body to help me. I thought the answer lied with them. I told him anxiety and fear after speaking on the phone a few times, because after speaking the first time it didn't resolve what i thought it would as the problem was about how i felt about myself for moving (running) away. It was only a few months ago that i realised that i did the right thing when i moved, i accepted it and realised i didn't make a mistake and realised that saying what i said to him was the mistake. I opened myself up to him and showed a weakness. I should have said anger. i keep saying this in my head because i feel if i had said this then i wouldn't be feeling like i do now with such low self esteem. So now it's like my subconcious mind is keep trying to tell me to turn this into a positive, to try and make the next move to recover my self esteem once more. But i don't know what i have to do? I wish this had never happened to me, it's so unfair, i would never hurt a fly, i just wish i had my self esteem back. Please help.
Thankyou for taking the time to help me, thanks |
We have memory, but that priviledge should not be abused. Memory serves as a tool for us to learn from the past so we can avoid making mistakes in the future. What you are doing is replying a constant memory without learning from it. It is not productive. How is beating yourself up going to help you?
The steps you took towards him were good in that you wanted to make amends and bury any animosity between you two so you could have peace. His response to you is not reflective of your action. What did you do? You called a person with whom you had rocky relations with to make amends. Acknowledge this. You didn't call him up to curse at him but to reconcile.
Judging by what you shared, it seems that you should also concentrate on changing your self-talk. Calling yourself an idiot and saying what you did was pathetic isn't helping you. Positive affirmations help in correcting this. Change the way you talk to yourself - be positive and hopeful.
"I can find peace within myself."
"I made a mistake in the past, but I learn from my mistakes and correct my behavior to yield positive results."
"I accept my shortcomings and work on improving them."
...etc.