Quote:
Originally Posted by soccer7  But currently i'm just a tab confused on the limits of honesty. Why can't we just walk up to someone and say
"Hi there, i like you, can you go out with me ?" |
You can. It just won't work. Because you liking her is kind of irrelevant from her perspective - she has to like
you to want to go out.
First you have to demonstrate to her why you're worth going out with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccer7 or "Hi, i find you a nice person, can i be your friend?" |
I don't see anything wrong with this, assuming you've gotten to know them a bit. (And if you
haven't gotten to know them, then saying you find them a nice person isn't honest).
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccer7 or "Hey you, i never liked you all this time, even though i pretended to be nice to you at work i really hate you, why can't you be a better person ?" |
Ugh. Yes, this could get you a preordered knuckle sandwich, but the main problem with it is it's just really, really vague. It's one step above "You're crap. Fix that immediately.".
I presume honesty matters to you because you want to
communicate. And communication has bandwidth restrictions. The quoted comment is useless, but something more targetted like "Calling me juvenile nicknames really irritates me and I don't find it appropriate in the work environment. My name is 'Bob', please just call me that" is probably fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccer7 That's why i combine my honesty with my other lesson, which is "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything" instead of saying something that is false. |
IMO that rule is a roundabout attempt to get to "if it's going to make things worse rather than better, then don't say anything".
eg. Just calling someone ugly isn't helpful, but telling someone they have spinach in their teeth (ie. a specific ugliness that they can easily do something about) is helpful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccer7 If they for example ask about their figure, i would probably say "please don't take this personally, but i think your a bit overweight" there are nice ways of being honest. |
In this case, someone's asked you for your
opinion. If honesty is important to you, remember that your opinion is subjective and express it
as an opinion. There's also often multiple truths/opinions available to balance out your honesty.
In this example, if you
really feel the need to be honest, you could say "To my tastes you're a bit full in the hips but that outfit really flatters your legs." (or whatever).
[Another paragraph was to go here, but Andrew Brunelle basically just said it all
]