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peejay · 03-06-2007, 07:14 PM

Thanks very much for your reply. I will try to give you some more detailed information. Sorry but I have never sought advice for this before I have just tried to work it out myself so I might not be very clear.

I am a female in my 40's. This person and I have known each other for about 15 years. There is no romantic interest on either side. We were quite close for a number of years. Our lives were very similar, we lived on the same street, our kids were the same ages and in the same grades at school and on the same sports teams. We did a lot of things together with the kids.

This person's entire family is very competitive, her children had to win at everything, they compete with other friends over who has the most toys etc and she even competes with her husband, (they are both runners). I felt uncomfortable early in the friendship because she would imitate everything I did and buy her kids everything I bought my kids. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but it started to really bother me. Anyway I don't want to go on about this too long.

The family moved to a more upscale neighbourhood in our community and suddenly had lots of money and were driving new cars etc. I had a hard time with this because I kept getting nagged by my kids as to why couldn't we have this or that or new cars etc. I was always explaining to them that we had made different choices. I did not want to get into a game of keeping up with the Joneses because that is an absolute no win situation. They constantly seemed to be rubbing our noses in all the stuff they had and we did not. It sounds like I'm just jealous and there may be an element of truth there but I really would not want to have her life, it is way too much maintenance for me.

As I said I just let the relationship drift, I really had the feeling that they wanted to move into a more influential social circle and we didn't fit the criteria. I did not see her for a couple of years.

As I mentioned I have made new friendships and actually have a life I am quite happy with. I belong to a running group and also to a golf group and I have a group of friends I do a lot of social actvities with. This woman has now joined our running group and has dropped hints about joining the golf group and every time I make plans to do something with someone she wants to be included. She tries to make friends with the people in the group that I am closest to and the more I try to avoid her the more aggressive she gets. I feel like I am being used because she seems to try to piggy back on everything I do rather than go and make her own friends and get her own things going.

I feel kind of stupid to be having a problem like this at my age. I would have thought that she would have gotten the message a long time ago that I did not want to be friends with her. I have avoided her as much as I possibly can without being rude.

I just know that I have to bring this to a head and deal with this once and for all. I have never had anything like this to deal with before. I haven't ended very many friendships but I have never had one follow me around like this. I don't want to have really bad feelings for this person, she is the way she is, but I am getting really resentful of her persistence in my life.

03-06-2007, 07:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
peejay Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 4	Any help would be appreciated Thanks very much for your reply. I will try to give you some more detailed information. Sorry but I have never sought advice for this before I have just tried to work it out myself so I might not be very clear. I am a female in my 40's. This person and I have known each other for about 15 years. There is no romantic interest on either side. We were quite close for a number of years. Our lives were very similar, we lived on the same street, our kids were the same ages and in the same grades at school and on the same sports teams. We did a lot of things together with the kids. This person's entire family is very competitive, her children had to win at everything, they compete with other friends over who has the most toys etc and she even competes with her husband, (they are both runners). I felt uncomfortable early in the friendship because she would imitate everything I did and buy her kids everything I bought my kids. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but it started to really bother me. Anyway I don't want to go on about this too long. The family moved to a more upscale neighbourhood in our community and suddenly had lots of money and were driving new cars etc. I had a hard time with this because I kept getting nagged by my kids as to why couldn't we have this or that or new cars etc. I was always explaining to them that we had made different choices. I did not want to get into a game of keeping up with the Joneses because that is an absolute no win situation. They constantly seemed to be rubbing our noses in all the stuff they had and we did not. It sounds like I'm just jealous and there may be an element of truth there but I really would not want to have her life, it is way too much maintenance for me. As I said I just let the relationship drift, I really had the feeling that they wanted to move into a more influential social circle and we didn't fit the criteria. I did not see her for a couple of years. As I mentioned I have made new friendships and actually have a life I am quite happy with. I belong to a running group and also to a golf group and I have a group of friends I do a lot of social actvities with. This woman has now joined our running group and has dropped hints about joining the golf group and every time I make plans to do something with someone she wants to be included. She tries to make friends with the people in the group that I am closest to and the more I try to avoid her the more aggressive she gets. I feel like I am being used because she seems to try to piggy back on everything I do rather than go and make her own friends and get her own things going. I feel kind of stupid to be having a problem like this at my age. I would have thought that she would have gotten the message a long time ago that I did not want to be friends with her. I have avoided her as much as I possibly can without being rude. I just know that I have to bring this to a head and deal with this once and for all. I have never had anything like this to deal with before. I haven't ended very many friendships but I have never had one follow me around like this. I don't want to have really bad feelings for this person, she is the way she is, but I am getting really resentful of her persistence in my life.