Hello,
I'm a 25 years old student. I'm doing undergraduate engineering. I live alone on apartment on campus. I'm just a normal guy; not fat and not thin (BMI 22), don't do drugs, don't smoke, and don't drink coffee. So again, I'm just a regular guy.
But every now and then I feel that I'm losing interest in my life. I have sometimes wanted to kill myself, but of course I know I will never do that. But well, if there were a button on my body to kill me instantly and without pain, I probably would have pushed it by now. But anyway, I don't think I'm actually suicidal.
I may be semi-depressed though. Like I said, I'm losing interest in life. I'm also losing interest in my education. As a result, I don't study that much and keep dropping out of courses and take only the bare minimum. I also sleep very much (about 12-14 hours per day). And during the day, instead of doing anything, I just lay down and think about how life sucks.
I don't see any point in this anymore. I'm a dead man anyway...
I mean, for crying out loud. I don't even know what I'm going to do after my education: Since secondary school I sometimes thought about becoming a teacher. But now I feel that is impossible, because I'm worried sick about the following things: Teachers receive damned low salary, and housing is expensive. So how could I live? I could live, but not a very good life. I want to be able to buy a computer without thinking about it. Well, I could go work in a bank where salary is a bit higher, but I think such jobs are boring and not interesting.
Some people have been telling me to do graduate studies (PhD or Masters) right away. But for some reasons I don't feel like doing it anymore. Like I said, I'm not interested.
I have tried reading these nice Steve Pavlina articles on self discipline, waking up early, motivation, and so on. But of course, in order for these articles to work, every individual needs some sort of initial motivation, or willingness to do things. But for me, I don't have any such things. Sure I have fair days now and then, when I study a bit, but most of the time I'm a sucker.
So, in short words: It seems that I'm doomed. I'm a dead man. I have no future
Well, unless some of you have any words of advice. If not, please name me some effective methods of killing myself.
Cheers,
David