Long time since you posted it but thanks for that beautiful reply lifetimelearner **hug**
So, I came back to this thread and reread it.
rei, I did try out the long baths, with incense and enjoyed it a lot. Thank you
So, to continue the femininity adventure...
I broke up with my girlfriend a month or so back, which totally and utterly killed me. I spent a couple of weeks crying like only an indigo can cry, and then as I began to get over her, guess what - the Universe sent me a new lady, a very very high vibration person. On Christmas Eve, no less.
I give my heart very easily, so I still had to sort out my ex in my head, but I was very soon into this new girl. I've learnt a lot of lessons from my ex, and I see this one as the next step in my evolution. It looks to be like we're going to make each other very very happy
This lady has a masculine energy about her in the best of ways. I don't know if masculine is actually a good word, though, because it has connotations that I don't like. Maybe "active" is a good word. She's active. So far, we've almost always made love with her on top, and I love it, love it, love it. I can be vulnerable with her and she protects me in her embrace. I feel so loved.
Interestingly, as we're in different towns for now (will soon change) and we haven't yet talked about exclusivity yet - I know she's not the jealous type - I ended up having sex with another lady, this one a feminine one, and turning on my masculine side. When I talked to my lady love again on the phone, I noticed I had become more masculine as it took me a little while to get into the vibe again. Then I became all feminine again
I notice when I'm talking with her or after vibing with her I use the diminutive form more when speaking spanish - a more feminine way of speaking. For instance "mi casita" - "my little house"; "me siento calentito" - "I feel (small and) cozy" (sorry that's my best attempt at a translation of the feel of it).
I wonder how my speech would change if I spoke Japanese - I hear they have different words to give your speech a different "flavour", including masculine, feminine and in between energies.
I have the intuition that in general in my life I'm going to be expressing masculinity - I feel that my life purpose calls for it - but that right now, maybe during two or three years, I will be going through my feminine side deeply, enjoying it, getting over my blocks and judgements about it, and satisfying my need to do so. I think femininity is a better energy for self-healing, anyway, so that fits, as I have to have a more self-focused energy at this point in my life.
Right after breaking up with my ex, actually, I put up a classified ad for a gay indigo, and I think I found someone fitting the profile - a very high-consciousness guy, and he is bisexual - never done it with a man before. Excellent.
As my relationship is getting serious I don't know if I will end up doing anything with this guy, but I'll meet him anyway. Maybe later on I'll talk with my lady about whether I can do this, I have such a curiosity to try.
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I did try masturbating with a finger in my anus, imagining it was like a vagina, and that gave me a really massive pleasure. It's like I could completely forget I was supposed to be a man at that point, something which I think my soul longs for. I'm scared I might become one of those guys who try once and don't go back
My next step in the adventure is to buy some dildos and lubricant and explore my femininity in private.
I have the feeling my lady might be a pegger though. Oh, how fun